"I wish you could see me now...
I wish I could show you how,
I'm not who I was"
This is a snipette from one of my favorite songs - I'm Not Who I Was by Brandon Heath.
Every time I hear it, I think of you. And on this particular day, I wish you could see me now.
I wish you could see how many people love me. See how many are celebrating my 3 years of sobriety with me. See how people smile when I come into a room and say they I've made their lives a better place.
I wish you could you could have seen me sober. How I'm coming back to the little girl I used to be. Back to the "Treasure" you used to know.
I wish you could see my daughter, tickle her at bedtime and make your funny faces until she pleaded for you to stop, giggling uncontrollably the whole time.
I wish you could see the mommy I've become.
I wish I wasn't wearing your wife's engagement ring; that she still wore it instead.
I wish you could wear her lipstick kisses on your forehead all morning as you read the paper and eat your Grape Nuts cereal.
I wish you could see that I'm ok and am getting stronger every year that I continue to allow sobriety to work it's magic in my life.
I wish you could know that I finally found my passion and want to return to college. And if I do, I wish you could be there on graduation day to cheer me on like you were before.
I wish you could know how much I miss you sometimes. How much I love you.
How the tears filling my eyes are not only of sorrow but of simple gratitude that you loved me.
I know somehow, somewhere you are watching over me. I believe I will see you again though never too soon.
I wish you could be here now. I wish I could show you how I'm never quite right with you gone, no matter how great things are.
I wish you could see me now. I wish I could show you how I'm not who I was.