Something Within

New December Stacey Bracey

2011-09-27T13:18:00.006-04:00

I love this pretty, pretty Birthstone Stacey Bracey. I'm getting one of my very own this week and I cannot wait to wear it around town.

Stacey is taking personal orders and can do any month, any color, any tag (inspriational words, months, names, etc.)

Give Stacey's Braceys a shout out to your friends on FB by sharing this link. Tweet about her too!

To contact Stacey, please email her at staceylgnunn@gmail.com

Hugs,

Jenny (aka, Stacey's pimp - LOL)

Introducing "Stacey's Braceys"

2011-09-22T14:04:00.014-04:00

This post is dedicated to my wonderfully talented sister-in-law, Stacey. I wuvs hers and I have been on her back for years to start selling her talents (not like THAT you dirty birds).

Well she's ready to start selling and I'm going to be her bracelet bitch. Below are a few awesome samples of what she can make.

Each bracelet is unique - there's no two that are alike. Stacey can do custom orders with your favorite colors - mine is being made as we speak.

So enjoy Stacey's Braceys and let us know what you'd like done for your bracelet!

Remember, Christmas is coming and there are lots of friends you know that would LOVE one of these.

STACEY'S BRACEYS GO FOR $15 EACH + shipping

You KNOW you want one!

.

Decorate Your Fridge!

2011-09-12T17:00:00.025-04:00

Hey there Trashy Fans! As you know, I've revamped my blog to start promoting my Trashy Treasures.

I've recently discovered the "tweeky" kind of fun of making fridge magnets. My home hasn't been cleaned in a week but I sure am having fun! And with Halloween coming and it being my favorite holiday, BAM - I have a new hobby to keep me out of trouble. FRIDGE MAGNETS!!

Below are some pictures of a few of them. I hope you can zoom in and see the great details of the mags.

1" magnets (large) = $2.00 ea
1/2" magnets (teenies) = $1.00
UPS shipping costs vary on location

IF YOU SEE SOMETHING YOU LIKE AND HAVE ANY QUESTIONS, PLEASE ASK - I'LL BE HAPPY TO SEND YOU MORE DETAILED PICTURES, DESCRIPTIONS, INFO, PERSONALIZED MAGS, YOU-NAME-IT!

Revamping my Blog

2011-09-12T14:02:00.005-04:00

Goodbye "That Something Within" and welcome to "Trashy Treasures"!! No, it's not what you're thinking though I do like the thought.

I'm revamping my recently closed blogsite into a place where I can not only share stories, thoughts, epiphanies (is that spelled correctly?), but now a place I can post my Trashy Treasures crafts and recyclables.

Pictures of recycled treasures will now dominate this site so if you're not into trash, adios.

As most of you know, I'm a recycling fiend and now I've found a great use of most of what I collect all while hoping to earn some money on the side. So if you're into buying trash, you're my new best friend.

So please stay tuned as I create more Trashy Treasure and find a neat-o way to take cool pictures of the items I create. You never know...something just might strike your fancy.

And if you're concerned that I might not make time for my silly stories, no worries please. I'm not a totalk craft hound (yet) so I'll have plenty of days where I need some fillers.

Love to all who stay...

XXOO,

Jenny

Wordless Wednesday

2011-06-08T11:20:00.002-04:00

MEATLESS MONDAY: Cowboy Chili - Don't Let The Title Deter You

2011-06-06T11:07:00.005-04:00

MEATLESS MONDAY

Cowboy Chili(Serves 6)

1 56-oz can of tomato sauce
1 package Smart Ground (this is a wonderfully delicious substitute for ground beef - dare ya to try it)
1 28-oz can Bush’s Vegetarian Baked Beans
1 15-oz can each: black beans, kidney beans, pinto beans
1 medium green bell pepper, diced
1 medium red bell pepper, diced
1 jalepeno pepper, diced
1 medium red onion, diced
10 shakes chili powder (well, maybe not 10 *yikes*)
4 shakes garlic powder
1 tbsp Mongolian fire oil (not quite recommended if serving to little ones)

Directions:
Simmer beans, tomato sauce and spices while dicing vegetables. Add remaining ingredients and let cook on low to medium heat for 2 hours, stirring occasionally. Can't get any easier that this.

(Submitted on meatlessmonday.com by Amy Brooks, Memphis, TN)

A Drunk's Perspective

2011-04-29T17:08:00.025-04:00

It's Day 4 of my newly committed sobriety and I wanted to write about some perspective I've gained in the last 72+ hours.

When one woman found out about my relapse, she inquired if I was serious or just being dramatic. My response was "Of course I relapsed. I wouldn't joke about something like that."

"Or would I?", I asked myself later on.

I knew that making light of a relapse was not really my style but being dramatic definitely was. At first, I was saddened and shocked that someone would think that I could be that kind of person but after a while, the truth of the matter is that I was that kind of person.

I was melodramatic, emotional, sensitive, and insecure. Yes, even after doing the 12-steps and having 3 years of sobriety under my belt. It hit me that I really hadn't changed at all when it came to handling my emotions and living life on life's terms.

Now in writing this, I sit on a very fine line between being rigorously honest with myself and beating myself up. The goal of this post is definitely not to rehash all those moments of Jenny bashing. I want to explore the enlightenment that this relapse has given me and enjoy the fact I still have enough hope and willingness to seek a greater, more rewarding sobriety.

I stopped listening when they would stress the importance of strengthening your spiritual relationship with a Higher Power. I was still only praying when I felt like it.

When the spiral of self-pity grabbed ahold of me last week, I didn't have that safety net of faith - the one you aquire when you seek a daily interaction with the God of your understanding.

I would sit in meetings and listen to others share about relapse and say to myself "That's not going to happen to me. I'm too scared of that first drink to go back out. My bottom was IT for me and I'm never going to do that again!"

Now, I'd never admit that out-loud because you're not supposed to think that "you're cured". Going to meetings became more about seeing my friends than getting the check up from the neck up that I needed. I felt that missing a few wouldn't hurt because I pretty much "got this thing" anyway. *gasp*

I couldn't even see that I was already trying to control my drinking before I even got in the car to go to the liquor store. I told myself "Stay away from the hard stuff - you can't "handle" that. Just get some of those fancy lemonades and drink them really fast to get your buzz and take the edge off. That should do the trick. No blackouts, no throwing up, no forgetting you have a kid or passing out. Then tomorrow, just wake up and forget it ever happened."

Yeah, rrrrrriiiiiiiiggghht.

You see, when you're not close with your Source of Strength (aka God, Higher Power, Spirit of the Universe, Ghandi, Dr. Suess, Horton, whatever), not working the steps you've been given as a tool to successfully get through thoughts such as these, AND you don't give a shit about praying, then you get what are called "the fuck-its" and you drink. That's just what drunks do.

And I'm glad I did. It's not the smartest way to discover that your sobriety was lacking a firm foundation but hey, it is what it is.

This revelation, this awareness, this fresh start is going to change my sobriety and save my life.

TUGAAWD

Relapse into Recovery

2011-04-26T19:26:00.007-04:00

Last week, I found myself in the middle of such an emotional downward sprial that I made the choice to give up 3 years of sobriety and drink again. At the point the bottle hit my lips, I was done with caring, done with trying, done with taking care of me. I just wanted "out" of this emotional pain without having to do the work that it takes to stay sober.

It took less than 7 days, 3 six-packs of lousy "hard" lemonade and 1 chance to come clean to my sponsor face-to-face and I was done pretending that I could handle this. The obsession to drink was gaining speed and I knew it was just a matter of time before I would start to lose everything, again. I called my sponsor the next morning and told her everything.

It's been a day of relief for me. Nothing like my first day of sobriety over 3 years ago when I couldn't look anyone in the eye, hold my head up or barely make it through the hour without WANTING a drink. This time, it's different.

Today showed me that though I made the wrong choice, it's ok. I learned from it the hard way, yes, but I learned regardless. I knew alcohol wasn't the answer; I knew that before the first sip went down. I never felt relief. A sense of dread returned and I knew that no amount of drinking could ever take that away. I knew it would only get worse if I didn't reach out and ask for help, again.

I tried to convince myself that I could keep this a secret and still attend meetings, eventually "forgetting" about this slip. I am thankful that my recovery up to this point has taught me that living in a lie is no way to live. If drinking wasn't going to kill me this time, my guilt and shame would. I knew what I had to do with each passing day.

I relapsed myself right back into my recovery. I was able to tell my best friend, my sponsor and my Mom. I shared with my FB friends. Everyone was supportive and kind.

It hit me that my 3 years of sobriety might have been sacrificed but my recovery is still with me. I feel closer than before to my desire to stop drinking. I understand tnat we are all given life in one-day-a-time increments so why not appreciate each day as the gift that it is?

Recovery is not a race. Sobriety is not about the numbers of years you can rack up. The longer I stayed sober, the further I grew from what recovery really was all about.

Today I choose to fight back, face my peers fearlessly and admit that when a drunk like me doesn't take her sobriety seriously, it's just a matter of time before I come face-to-face with my foe. And when things that bad, I have no defense against that first drink.

I don't know how long I will stay sober. I might not ever get those 3 years back but I have today. That's good enough for me.

3 Dogs Needing New Homes

2011-04-13T12:42:00.014-04:00

Attached is a story from a lady who's Mother was recently killed. She had amassed quite a number of animals in Parhump, Nevada and her daughter, Alissa is in town for a couple of weeks trying to find them new homes.

I am helping spread the message the three dogs that need to be placed. Sadly, they are large, mixed breeds and I son't know if they are sterilized. So, if you can pass this around, you never know who might be able to help.

Alissa's number is on the flyer.

FREE TO GOOD HOMES

We need to find good homes for 3 wonderful dogs. These dogs need someone willing to give them lots of love and attention. They are all Pit-bull x Bullmastiff and Apron. 2 ½ years old.

Meet Little Boy

Little Boy was runt of the litter but grew up to be the biggest! He is very affectionate, loves to play, and despite his build of a muscular bad boy, he is a big baby.

Meet Slim Pickin’s

Slim is a sweet boy, very active, and would love someone to play with him. Or even take him out for a run with you. He is a digger so watch out for your flower beds. He seems to get bored easily so maybe lots of "thinking" toys would do Slim some good. Lots of playtime would also do him wonders. Although his name is Slim, he is a well built young man.

Meet June Bug

June is a wonderful little girl and would do anything just to be in your lap. She doesn’t quite understand she’s too big for that. She’s just the biggest love bug as you will find.

These dogs need a new home ASAP we have too many dogs to care for now that their Owner has passed. They need a home where they can be outside and be part of the family.

If interested in giving one of these guys a home please call:
(775) 751-5581 Ask for Alissa

I Wish You Could See Me Now...

2011-03-31T17:24:00.017-04:00

"I wish you could see me now...
I wish I could show you how,
I'm not who I was"

This is a snipette from one of my favorite songs - I'm Not Who I Was by Brandon Heath.

Every time I hear it, I think of you. And on this particular day, I wish you could see me now.

I wish you could see how many people love me. See how many are celebrating my 3 years of sobriety with me. See how people smile when I come into a room and say they I've made their lives a better place.

I wish you could you could have seen me sober. How I'm coming back to the little girl I used to be. Back to the "Treasure" you used to know.

I wish you could see my daughter, tickle her at bedtime and make your funny faces until she pleaded for you to stop, giggling uncontrollably the whole time.

I wish you could see the mommy I've become.

I wish I wasn't wearing your wife's engagement ring; that she still wore it instead.

I wish you could wear her lipstick kisses on your forehead all morning as you read the paper and eat your Grape Nuts cereal.

I wish you could see that I'm ok and am getting stronger every year that I continue to allow sobriety to work it's magic in my life.

I wish you could know that I finally found my passion and want to return to college. And if I do, I wish you could be there on graduation day to cheer me on like you were before.

I wish you could know how much I miss you sometimes. How much I love you.

How the tears filling my eyes are not only of sorrow but of simple gratitude that you loved me.

I know somehow, somewhere you are watching over me. I believe I will see you again though never too soon.

I wish you could be here now. I wish I could show you how I'm never quite right with you gone, no matter how great things are.

I wish you could see me now. I wish I could show you how I'm not who I was.

Standing Up for Animals, with Knocking Knees

2011-03-23T15:49:00.015-04:00

The countdown has begun...it's getting close to the zero hour. Time to put my big girl panties on and see just how courageous I can be. It's going to be interesting to see what my God will do with me today.

Most of you know I have made a decision to head down to downtown Las Vegas this afternoon to attend the video conferencing of Senate Bill Hearing for SB223, "Cooney's Law". Now I've decided to prepare a statement for today on behalf of this Bill. I'm scared to death.

I have a wealth of support from family and friends. The Facebook Cause created in support of SB223 has reached almost 400 members - AMAZING. Some of those closest to me have made written statements that I'm taking with me. I haven't sat down to create my own statement...until now.

I'm a tax paying, voting citizen of Clark County, Nevada. I'm a working mother with a 6-year old and some wonderful pets. These pets add value to our lives and it's a great pleasure having them as a part of our family.

My support for Senate Bill 223 is not based on emotions that were felt after reading about the tragic death that Cooney endured. Nor is my support strictly centered around the fact that an animal was so brutally and senselessly murdered. My support for Cooney's Law involves more than what happened to Cooney alone - it encompasses my desire to do the right thing, not only for innocent animals but for our children, our community, our great State of Nevada.

Nevada would not be alone if she were to adopt this Bill into existence. I believe she would rank 45th in line with other states that took this bold step UP to enhance our criminal laws to include those without a voice. Nevada would be one of a few States left to miss this opportunity if this Bill were to fail.

My friend Jennifer L. Wells reminded me just this morning that this Bill brings to the table an inconvenient truth for those opposing it. I'm sure law enforcement does not want the burden of more paperwork or more crowded jails if this were to pass. Ranchers and farmers must not like the idea of being told just how to treat their livestock or to adjust their methods of tracking and processing the animals that are their property. And NO ONE wants to be hit in the wallet or have to re-line their pockets with actual fabric if this Bill makes it. It's inconvenient to say the least.

SB223 makes sense, common sense. People that commit these certain disturbing levels of abuse on animals are unhealthy, cruel, sick and unbalanced. Hurting or killing animals is easy for those that are capable of far worse for they know their actions will not be viewed as a "crime" and the punishment will not match; it won't even come close.

Such is the case of Raymond Rios of Reno, NV. Served with a misdemeanor charge only because of the actions taken by the Washoe County Animal Control Department, Mr. Rios was held accountable for his crime done to Cooney. But common sense asks most of us..."Should a person of his nature, of his mental state, of his temperment be allowed back into society with such ease?" It's insulting to our community that the existing laws do nothing to further protect us from individuals capable of such violence. For those that disagree with this statement, I'm sure you believe Mr. Rios's actions against Cooney seem excusable - afterall, Cooney WAS just an animal. Or maybe you can agree that Cooney shouldn't have been killed that way but why should you have to "pay" for someone else's actions? All I want to say to those feeling this way is that you're missing the entire point of this Bill. I'm sorry your existence and comfort are being threatened.

Our law enforcement is here to serve and protect. To allow the communities and families of this State the pleasure of raising our children in a society unpolluted with criminals and murderers that are just starting to wet their appetites by abusing and/or murdering animals.

Domestic abuse shelters and safe houses support this Bill. They have seen first hand the destruction of families where those abusing the power in the home and using animals as pawns in a deadly game of control and manipulation end up continuing their abuse. Some of those cases lead to death of children and adults. In three surveys in women's shelters in Wisconsin and Utah in the late 1990s, an average of 74% of pet-owning women reported that a pet had been threatened, injured or killed by the abusers. (Ascione 1995 & 1997 and Quinlisk, 1995). A survey of women in a safehouse in Utah found that 20% delayed leaving the abusive situation out of fear that their pet would be harmed. Data currently being collected in Canada found almost 50% delayed leaving. (Ascione, 1997)

The FBI uses animal cruelty as a profiling technique to predict who will go on to commit crimes against people, including children.

A 1997 study by the MSPCA and Northeastern University found that 70% of animal abusers had committed at least one other criminal offense and almost 40% had committed violent crimes against people.

A 1986 study reported that 48% of convicted rapists and 30% of convicted child molesters admitted perpetrating acts of animal cruelty in their childhood or adolescence. (Tingle et al, 1986)

A history of animal abuse was found in 25% of aggressive male criminals, 30% of convicted child molesters, 36% of those who assaulted women, and 46% of those convicted of sexual homicide. (Petrovoski, 1997)

A 1983 survey in New Jersey of families reported for child abuse found that in 88% of the families at least one person had abused animals. (Devine, Dickered & Lockwood, 1983)

I support Senate Bill 223 because I want to live in a safer Nevada, one that can be proactive in recognizing potential threats to my family and to those families I've come to know and love that live within my community.

It's easier to stay stagnant, complacent, stuck. It's harder to do what's right. Nothing comes easy that's worth having. We don't always see the actions of our ways, good or evil. I would like to think that my Senators and Legislation can see that direct benefits to themselves are not necessary or needed to make this State a better place to raise a family. If we can make a difference and strengthen our cruelty laws, maybe we have better chance at defeating those that can do us harm.

Thank you for allowing me this platform to express views that matter to me. I hope you can do the right thing too.

Help Make Animal Abuse a FELONY

2011-03-17T18:28:00.015-04:00

Target: NEVADA LEGISLATORS & RESIDENTS OF NEVADA PLEASE SIGN TO SHOW YOUR SUPPORT
Sponsored by: Notoanimalcrueltynevada.com

On October 7, 2010 Raymond Rios,a 46 year old transient living in his van used a box cutter to fatally wound his dog, "Cooney", a pit bull beagle mix. He claimed Cooney was in pain and said her stomach was bulging due to a mouse that had crawled inside of her. He pinned her down in the bathtub of a Reno, Nevada motel and sliced her open with a box cutter. He reported to Police that he squeezed her repeatedly in attempts to get the mouse out.

Rios took her body to the SPCA of Northern Nevada and told authorities what he had done to Cooney. The shelter manager contacted Reno Police Department who arrived to find Cooney's bloody, mutilated body in the back of Rios's van in a garbage bag.

The Police called Animal Control to pick up the remains and do a bite report as Cooney bit Rios several times during the incident. The Police did not arrest Rios. He was allowed to drive away as nothing happened. The Reno Police said they would submit the case for a warrant review...they never did.

Animal Control stepped in took the case over and sought out their own warrant. Rios was arrested December 24, 2010 for misdemeanor animal cruelty. He was found competent to stand trial and on February 14, 2011 plead guilty to misdemeanor animal cruelty.

He is now walking the streets after a short stint in jail and not allowed to have dogs for two years.

Cooney died a horrific and brutal death. Don't let it be in vain and honor her memory by signing this petition to support a Senate Bill 223 - attempting to make acts like this on animals a FELONY rather than a misdemeanor.

Please support Senate Bill 223 (SB223) in the current 2011 Nevada Legislative session. This bill, named "Cooney's Law", will make willfull and malicious acts of cruelty punishable by a felony.

TAKE ACTION NOW:

Let's send a message to potential offenders and be the voice for the animals who have tragically lost their lives or been seriously injured.

Sign this petition for support of SB223. It goes to hearing on March 23, 2011 (next Wedneday).http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/make-certain-acts-of-animal-cruelty-a-felony-in-nevada/

As of 3-17-11 at 3:45pm PST - there were only 473 out of 10,000 signatures.

Petition Signatures Urged Before 3-23-11 Meeting at Nevada Legislature on Felony Cruelty Proposal SB223 after Dog Gutted by Owner

2011-03-17T14:16:00.028-04:00

Kathleen Denning was the animal control officer called to dispose of the body of a dog named Cooney back in October 2010.

Raymond Rios, a few hours earlier, had sliced the dog open with a box cutter in a downtown Reno, NV motel and watched as the dog ran around the room, bleeding, her intestines falling out. She died of shock and blood loss.

Rios then took the dog to the SPCA of Northern Nevada, where he’d originally adopted her, and described to the staff there in great detail what he’d done.

Rios’ ex-wife told me that this was a common behavior of his and that he did it to get a horrified reaction out of others. He did.

The police pulled him over and found the dog. Rios confessed to everything and then was allowed to drive away because the most he could be charged with was a misdemeanor.

This bothered Denning — haunted her, she said — and she has worked to get legislation proposed that would make aggravated and intentional cruelty a felony in Nevada, as it is in more than 40 other states.

The proposal called SB223 will be heard at 3:30 p.m. Wednesday March 23, 2011 before the Natural Resources Committee at the Nevada Legislature in Carson City, Nevada.

Denning will present her case there for what she calls “Cooney’s Law,” speaking as a private citizen and not representing Washoe County Regional Animal Services. She urges others to come speak, too.

She is collecting signatures via petition through the website NoToAnimalCrueltyNevada.com.

“We get about 3 to 5 cases a year that rise to this level,” Denning said. “[The proposal] is basically adding aggravated or intentional cruelty to the books, which we don’t currently have."

“The FBI uses animal cruelty as a profiling technique to predict who will go onto commit crimes against people. And a 1997 study in Massachusetts found that people who commit aggravated animal cruelty, 40% committed another violent crime afterward.

“We need to send a message to potential offenders and be a voice for these animals who have been brutally murdered and have no justice in this case. Raymond Rios drove away that night as if nothing happened.”

Rios pleaded guilty to the misdemeanor and got a suspended sentence with time served and told he can’t own another dog for two years.

HOW TO HELP:

1. Sign petition at NoToAnimalCrueltyNevada.com.

2. Send emails and letters to legislators on the Natural Resources Committee. You can find their contact info at the Nevada Voters for Animals at nv4a.org.

3. You can contact Denning to offer help at info@notoanimalcrueltynevada.com.

Posted by MarkRobison at 3/17/2011 10:47 AM PDT on rgj.com

The first committee hearing is scheduled for Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011 3:30 p.m.

Please contact the members of the Senate Natural Resources Committee:
Mark Manendo (Chair) mmanendo@sen.state.nv.us

David Parks (Vice Chair) dparks@sen.state.nv.us

Michael Roberson mroberson@sen.state.nv.us

John Lee jlee@sen.state.nv.us

Dean Rhoads drhoads@sen.state.nv.us

Please ask them to support SB 223 (Cooney's Law).
Please note: Legislators will ONLY know the bill as SB 223.

Adopt the Internet Day 2011

2011-03-15T18:14:00.013-04:00

I love this cause!

Today is Adopt the Internet Day, an event organized by Petfinder.com to spread the word about the importance of adopting companion animals from shelters and rescue groups. This is a mission we also champion at The Humane Society of the United States (HSUS), especially through the Shelter Pet Project. We’re sharing the message of shelter pet adoption nationwide through TV, radio, print, outdoor, and online advertisements.
http://www.petfinder.com/info/adopt-the-internet

Please join The HSUS in promoting pet adoption today through one or more of the following:

If you’ve adopted a pet, send The HSUS a photo at blog@humanesociety.org, along with a few sentences about where you adopted your pet and what he or she means to you. They’ll post a slideshow of selected photos on their blog, A Humane Nation, http://hsus.typepad.com/.

“Like” the Shelter Pet Project on Facebook and donate your Facebook or Twitter status to pet adoption.

Sign The HSUS pledge to adopt your next companion animal.

Visit Petfinder’s Adopt the Internet Day page.
http://www.petfinder.com/info/adopt-the-internet

If you’re looking to add a new pet to your family, check out Petfinder’s special gallery of adoptable animals in your area.

LOCAL LAS VEGANS:
As most of you know, I'm fostering Chrissy, a loving and sweet Chihuahua/terrier mix through the Las Vegas Valley Humane Society (LVVHS). They are always in need of more caring foster homes.

If you'd like to do something to give back and help better the life of a homeless pet, give them a call at (702) 434-2009 or visit their site at http://www.lvvhumane.org/index.php

Gilbert GottFIRED

2011-03-14T19:36:00.020-04:00

Apparently I'm not the only one lacking a sense of humor by getting peeved at insensitive and ill-timed comments poking fun at those suffering from last week's earthquake and tsunami in Japan.

Read on...

Disability insurer AFLAC Inc. fired comedian Gilbert Gottfried as the voice of its iconic duck on Monday after a series of Twitter jokes about the earthquake in Japan, AFLAC's most important market.

Since 2000, Gottfried has voiced the duck in the insurer's TV ad campaign in the United States, quacking "Af-LAAAC!" in the comedian's famously abrasive voice.

Gottfried fired off a dozen jokes on the social media service over the weekend, all riffing in one way or another on the devastating earthquake and subsequent tsunami.

But AFLAC said his comments "were lacking in humor and certainly do not represent the thoughts and feelings of anyone at AFLAC."

AFLAC said it would start a nationwide casting call to find a new voice -- and noted that it was already using a different voice in the Japanese market, where it is the #1 foreign insurer.

The company made its name selling cancer expense policies in Japan in the 1970s, and still derives about three-quarters of its revenue in the country.
Copyright 2011 Thomson Reuters

Here's a taste of some of Gottfried's jokes that got him fired. You'll see the irony that not one of them was remotely funny, well...at least not to me. But then again, I have hardly any sense of humor.

Japan is really advanced. They don't go to the beach. The beach comes to them. ~ 6:29 AM Mar 13th via web

Japan had put out this urgent plea...." PLEASE SEND US A FEW BIlLION RUBBER DUCKIES!!!!!" ~ 1:05 PM Mar 12th via Twitter for iPhone

I asked a girl in Japan to have sex with me. She said "okay, but you'll have to sleep in the wet spot." ~ 11:38 AM Mar 12th via Twitter for iPhone

For more tastless humor, go to: http://twitter.com/realgilbert

Some might call Gilbert Gottfried a douchbag, yet he's not alone. There are many other "douchebags" out there using the same tactless, child-like humor and shock value to shine up their social media badges.

All I can say is you guys really are a classy breed of stupid.

How To Make Homemade Chicken McNuggets

2011-03-14T19:01:00.008-04:00

You know those ultra yummy Chicken McNuggets that are so irresitable to your kids? Well, have I got great news for you! You don't have to spend $5.00 on a Happy Meal or drive down to the nearest street corner to have these delicious treats. You can now make them in the comfort of your very own home, right there with your kids watching with delighted anticipation.

Here's How...

All you need is:
* One whole chicken, thawed
* Food processor
* Flavored bread crumbs
* Canola or Vegetable oil for pan frying

Here's a quick 4 minute video that will demonstrate the entire super easy, and FUN process. Gather the kids around to watch so they can jump in and help.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9B7im8aQjo

Bon Appetit!

Not-So-Mundane Monday

2011-03-14T14:10:00.014-04:00

My friend Leslee Horner in Florida wrote the following blog last week. When I read it, I was reminded of just why I love this woman and all that she believes in and seeks out in her life. It's very, very difficult to find friends like this. I'm glad she's in my life. I've learned and continue to learn so much from her soul searching.

Enjoy.

Compassion and Empathy
by Leslee Horner March 9, 2011

In this time we are seeing a rise in self-protection and fear. There is a sense of competition strong among us. The feeling that if something is given to a suffering brother it is thus taken from me. We're clinging to our morsels, standing behind a shield of superiority-that we have earned something we dare not be forced to share. We walk with blinders on. Ignore the pain of others until it becomes our own. We put mere humans on pedestals and worship them even as they fall. We ignore the beat of our very hearts and the spark of divine within us.

We have decided to hide our light under a bushel to protect ourselves as the world goes dark. We call on the name of Christ as we defend the unborn children and let those born go hungry. Why pick and choose the innocent to protect? Why not love and honor them all?

It is easier to close ourselves off. Censor the message of humanity. Life thrives on compassion. From that place we give. As we give we shall receive. As souls we are one-united as God's children. In service to one another we are made stronger. As we withhold love, compassion and support from those who need it our spirit becomes fragmented and dark. It is then that fear drowns out love and though we may claim to know the name of God we are far from his grace.

Take off the blinders. Step out of yourself. Invite empathy and compassion into your experience. Without it the light in this world is much too dim...

At the end of the day I don't care about this liberal verses conservative crap. I care about people and when I hear about the pain of others it breaks my heart. My utopia is a country or society where people care as much about the needs of others as they do about themselves, where they can actually take a second or two to imagine how they might feel if they walked in another's shoes instead of judging from a safe and cozy distance.

You can sign up to follow Leslee's blog at:
http://lesleehorner.wordpress.com/

~Wordless Wednesday~

2011-03-09T13:04:00.006-05:00

http://www.rescueink.org/

http://www.animalliberationfront.com/index.html

~Update on Chrissy, the Wonder Foster~

2011-03-08T12:02:00.014-05:00

She's crazy and we're in love! We hope that her forever family, where ever they are, will be just as taken by this little weightless wonder as we are.

Chrissy came home with us last Saturday afternoon, 3-5-11. Our primary goal is to love on her and fatten her up. It's already working.

When I come home, she's a delight to see and a very welcoming sweetie. If she could travel around in our arms all day, she'd never complain.

She loves to cuddle right next to me each night and gives (almost too many) kisses each morning. Much better alternative to my annoying alarm clock.

She's already replacing some of the weight she lost while living on the streets of Vegas looking for food. I am in awe of this little thing surviving out there for so long. I know I couldn't have done it.

So enough talk already. Here are some pictures taken from my phone. I have more from my camera that are on my laptop. They will hopefully come later.

Enjoy!

I'll be raising funds for the Las Vegas Valley Humane Society and asking for sponsors in their upcoming Wag-A-Tail Walk-A-Thon Event on April 3rd. If you would like to support TEAM CHRISSY, please click the link below and donate.
https://www.paypal.com/us/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_flow&SESSION=qiqnJ4lwrhbzw5iH_U3mr6SyW95ofk4ELvKQZp0W7YxfqFDfGaRUTdh6h6W&dispatch=5885d80a13c0db1f8e263663d3faee8d61ec37c409b56235bed2ddf64505aee9

XOXO,

Jenny

Foster Friday!

2011-03-04T11:28:00.024-05:00

This post is mainly for my local sweeties in the Las Vegas Valley but those of you far, far away can enjoy it too. And maybe get inspired to contact your local Human Society and make a difference in the life of a four-legged critter that needs love.

It's been weighing heavily on my heart for many weeks now to get my Roxi dog a canine companion. Most of you know that I am already the proud mommy of 2 senior kitties, my crazy Roxi dog and my lovely daughter, all on a single mommy budget, so of course, I said... "Why not? Bring it on!"

Fortunately luck would intervene and I found myself not acting impulsively and going out to local puppy mill pet shop and grabbing the first, cutest, non-house trained, chews everything, needs 24-hour supervision puppy I saw. I actually waited on this desire and did absolutely nothing except trust that someday an answer would come my way.

Well, my HP (aka Higher Power, God, Spirit Dude, Horton, whatever) came up with a great plan that is gonna ROCK! I applied at the Las Vegas Valley Human Society and the Southern Nevada Pug Rescue to be a foster Mommy.

Our first foster comes home (if she isn't adopted first) this Saturday afternoon. I feel like an expectant mother all over again, minus to preggo belly and sore boobies.

Here's a little bit about "Chrissy"...

My name is Chrissy and I am about 1 years old. I am a sweet, tiny little girl with a lot of love to give. I have beautiful brown eyes that match my coat perfectly! I was found wandering neighborhoods looking for food until finally someone took me in. I am a little shy, but I do warm up quickly. I do well with other dogs, but I am more of a lap dog. I love to be held and cuddled! If you are looking for a snuggler, then look no further! (lvvhumane.org/petfinder.com)

Chrissy is available for immediate adoption and will be hanging out at the PetCo off Rainbow and Lake Mead this Saturday, March 5th from 10am-2pm. If she doesn't find her forever family by 2pm, she comes home with me!!

We at the "Defx" household are very excited to be welcoming this little temporary addition to our home. We hope to help Chrissy grow into an even more loving and confident little Chihuahua so her forever family can find her and love her as much as we are going to do!

If you are interested in adopting Chrissy or another wonderful canine (or feline), please contact the Las Vegas Valley Human Society at http://www.lvvhumane.org/
(702) 434-2009 or lvvhs@cox.net

If your are more inclined to open your home temporarily as a foster for a pet in need of a forever family, please contact Brooke O'Gara (Dog Coordinator with the LVVHS) at (702) 353-4836 or brookeogara@live.com

Stay tuned for another Foster Friday to get an update on Chrissy!

DEATH DU 2 TXT

2011-03-02T15:42:00.053-05:00

Our Company is going through driver safety classes this month. I thought it didn't apply to me so I declined the mandatory meeting request. My VP politely insisted that I attend. I'm glad she did and here's why...

I'm a text-while-you-driver, even when my daughter is in the car. After watching the video embedded below and searching online for images relating to this stupidity, I am finally convinced that it is only a matter of time before I kill myself, my daughter or someone else if I continue to text and drive.

It's not something I am proud of but that doesn't bother me near as much as if I just put my phone in my purse and kept it in the trunk while driving WITHOUT passing on this message.

The following video was put out by AT&T in March of last year. It's 10:44" long but instead of blowing it off, sit your ass back down and just watch it.

I won't be able to imagine what the people in the video have to live with, the guilt, the loss, the shame. And for my sake, the sake of my daughter, and for those that love us, I hope I never have to.

If I really accept that I am not invincible, that I am not "that unlucky" and that yes, I too can be the cause of such senselessness, I might have a chance at being a better mother and fellow driver.

I have already shown my daughter what it's like to be a careless driver; now it's time to make things right, before it's too late; before she grows up to do the same thing behind the wheel.

Please watch - no graphic images in video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DebhWD6ljZs&feature=player_embedded

Below are some images related to texting while driving. They were found via Google Images. Some are extremely graphic, horrific images of accidents caused by texting.

If the video wasn't enough for you, maybe some of these images will stick with you. I am beyond caring if they are "inappropriate" or "too much" for this post. I am pissed that I have been this kind of driver and want to get the word out to those that will listen.

GRAPHIC IMAGES BELOW........................................
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TXTNG & DRVNG - IT CAN WAIT

Wordless Wednesday

2011-03-02T14:45:00.005-05:00

Take Care Tuesday

2011-03-01T17:47:00.010-05:00

Today choose to take car of your car. Afterall, it sure does take care of you. It takes you to the doctors office, to the bank, to work, to the ballgame, and countless other places that make your life a better place to be.

So today, give your car a little love. Here are some easy, quick ways to do just that!:

1. Check the tire pressure. If your tires are below the optimal pressure, you are tossing money down the drain, wearing out those tires faster which takes more money for new ones and putting your driving safety at risk. Most every gas station out there has air pumps. Some are free, some require quarters so gather some loose change and use it for good.

2. Wash your car at a Water Smart car wash. Nothing says "I love my car" like a clean, shiny car, inside and out. If you're in the Las Vegas Valley, click the link below to find a Water Smart auto wash near you for a $2.00 off coupon!
http://www.snwa.com/html/cons_carwash.html
Also, most Terrible's car wash locations have FREE vacuums to suck out the dried up french fries and boogies on your floor mats.

3. Check your oil. Look at your oil sticker, yea, the one you forget about constantly that sits quietly at the upper left corner of your inside windshield. What is it telling you? Doesn't hurt to type in a reminder in your phone when you will need that icky oil replaced.

4. Put the phone away. This one is tough, I know. If you can handle keeping the phone out of reach for your commute, you increase your chances of saving yourself from a senseless fender bender or worse. This is mainly for you text-while-you-drive folks. Those that use hands-free phones, enjoy but still, please be aware of your surroundings. Nothing is more important than your safety, the safety of your fellows drivers and of course, your car.

Until next time...Safe Driving Folks!

~Making A Difference Monday~

2011-02-28T12:57:00.016-05:00

SHOWER POWER>>>
Taking a shower uses much less water than filling up a bathtub. A shower only uses 10 to 25 gallons, while a bath takes up to 70 gallons! If you do take a bath, be sure to plug the drain right away and adjust the temperature as you fill the tub.

To save even more water, keep your shower under five minutes long—try timing yourself with a clock next time you hop in!

A 10-minute shower at 5 gallons per minute is 50 gallons of water used per shower. A 10-minute shower at 2.5 gallons per minute is 25 gallons of water used per shower.

50 gallons x 30 days = 1,500 gallons, 25 gallons x 30 days = 750 gallons, which is a 750 gallons of water per month savings. (via Amazon.com)

Showerheads that earn the WaterSense label use no more than 2.0 gpm. The WaterSense label also ensures that these products provide a satisfactory shower that is equal to or better than conventional showerheads.

A Shower of Savings
The average household could save more than 2,300 gallons per year by installing WaterSense labeled showerheads. Since these water savings will reduce demands on water heaters, households will also save energy which means more money in YOUR wallet!

In fact, a household could save 300 kilowatt hours of electricity annually, enough to power one television use for about a year. (via epa.gov)

This is a tough one for most of us but try to imit the length of your showers to 5 minutes. A family of four taking daily 5-minute showers with a high-efficiency showerhead can save more than 40,000 gallons of water each year. (via snwa.com)

A family of 2 adults with 2 children using a WaterSense showerhead will save about 890 gallons at water every 3 months. This is roughly equivalent to 22 loads of laundry! (epa.gov/watersensecalculator)

FOR LOCAL VEGAS FOLKS>>>
Indoor Water Audit and Retrofit Kits
Curious about the water efficiency of your faucets, toilets and showers? The Southern Nevada Water Authority (SNWA) provides property owners with a free Indoor Water Audit and Retrofit Kit so you can test your fixtures.

The kits include:
•Easy-to-follow instructions
•Kitchen faucet fixture
•Bathroom sink aerators (2)
•Water flow testing bag
•Leak detection tablets
•Thread-sealing Teflon tape
•Water-efficient shower head

To request an Indoor Water Audit and Retrofit Kit, call the Conservation Helpline at (702) 258-7283 or fill out our online request form.
http://www.snwa.com/cfml/audit_form/audit.cfml

Let's face it, not every household in America will do their part in reducing water waste. But YOU can do something, even if it's one little thing, to help conserve water, save money for your family, and feel good about participating in making a difference.

So next time you're at Lowe's or Home Depot, ask about WaterSense labeled showerheads!

Shell Shocked

2011-02-22T15:57:00.007-05:00

THIS MADE MY DAY!

Great News: Royal Dutch Shell has announced it is postponing its plan to drill off the coast of the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge this summer.

This is a huge victory for Alaska’s embattled polar bears and other Arctic wildlife that are vulnerable to devastating losses if a blowout were to occur in the frigid Beaufort Sea.

It is a victory that you made possible through your donations, your online activism and your absolute commitment to stopping Shell in its tracks.

As you know, NRDC has waged a long, hard-fought legal battle to slow or stop Shell’s race to drill -- especially in the wake of last summer’s oil spill catastrophe in the Gulf of Mexico.

On one legal front, we joined with Earthjustice in challenging clean air permits that the Obama Administration issued to Shell last year. Those permits would have allowed Shell’s fleet of ships to emit tons of pollutants into the Arctic environment, harming both Native communities and wildlife.

Last month, a federal appeals board ordered the Administration to withdraw the clean air permits and start the process all over again.

Now, just weeks later, Shell has thrown in the towel on drilling this summer!

You and I can breathe a sigh of relief knowing that the oil giant will not be launching its drill ship and icebreakers come June ... that there will be no oil spill in the sensitive, wildlife-filled waters of the Beaufort ... and that mother polar bears will come ashore in the Arctic Refuge this fall to give birth just as they’ve done for thousands of years -- undisturbed by drilling rigs, toxic pollution and a flood of deadly oil.

Sincerely,

Peter Lehner
Executive Director
Natural Resources Defense Council (NRDC)

Sweet Clementine

2011-02-18T11:42:00.025-05:00

My friends Kevin and Irene have this amazing Australian Sheppard they call Clementine. They brought her home as a pup last year in August.

Many have enjoyed seeing Clem in countless pictures over the months as she grew and learned to adore the great outdoors. The love Kevin and Irene have for their little princess is infectious. Many of us fell in love with Clem even though we hadn't actually met her.

I'd like to share some of those pictures with you here; sort of a photo diary of the beauty she is.

Clementine was killed last night, February 17, 2011, just shy of her 1st birthday. A hit-and-run driver took her life and fled the scene, leaving Kevin and Irene devastated and heartbroken.

Clem, may Heaven be as much fun as your time on Earth was. You were very loved and will always be missed.

Message from Dad: "Still crying with no end in sight.she taught us how to love again,howto feel again.How to run home when we were seperated and explode with exctment when we met.Mostly you taught us that dreppression is only where you look for it.and with you around it was pretty hard to find.. I love you Clementine."

XOXO

Drunks by Jack Mc.

2011-02-17T12:16:00.005-05:00

DRUNKS
for my father, and the people who almost saved his life

We died of pneumonia in furnished rooms
where they found us three days later
when somebody complained about the smell
we died against bridge abutments
and nobody knew if it was suicide
and we probably didn't know either
except in the sense that it was always suicide
we died in hospitals
our stomachs huge, distended
and there was nothing they could do
we died in cells
never knowing whether we were guilty or not.

We went to priests
they gave us pledges
they told us to pray
they told us to go and sin no more, but go
we tried and we died

we died of overdoses
we died in bed (but usually not the Big Bed)
we died in straitjackets
in the DTs seeing God knows what
creeping skittering slithering
shuffling things

And you know what the worst thing was?
The worst thing was that
nobody ever believed how hard we tried

We went to doctors and they gave us stuff to take
that would make us sick when we drank
on the principle of so crazy, it just might work, I guess
or maybe they just shook their heads
and sent us places like Dropkick Murphy's
and when we got out we were hooked on paraldehyde
or maybe we lied to the doctors
and they told us not to drink so much
just drink like me
and we tried
and we died

we drowned in our own vomit
or choked on it
our broken jaws wired shut
we died playing Russian roulette
and people thought we'd lost
but we knew better
we died under the hoofs of horses
under the wheels of vehicles
under the knives and bootheels of our brother drunks
we died in shame

And you know what was even worse?
was that we couldn't believe it ourselves
that we had tried
we figured we just thought we tried
and we died believing that
we didn't know what it meant to try

When we were desperate enough
or hopeful or deluded or embattled enough to go for help
we went to people with letters after their names
and prayed that they might have read the right books
that had the right words in them
never suspecting the terrifying truth
that the right words, as simple as they were
had not been written yet

We died falling off girders on high buildings
because of course ironworkers drink
of course they do
we died with a shotgun in our mouth
or jumping off a bridge
and everybody knew it was suicide
we died under the Southeast Expressway
with our hands tied behind us
and a bullet in the back of our head
because this time the people that we disappointed
were the wrong people
we died in convulsions, or of "insult to the brain"
we died incontinent, and in disgrace, abandoned
if we were women, we died degraded,
because women have so much more to live up to
we tried and we died and nobody cried

And the very worst thing
was that for every one of us that died
there were another hundred of us, or another thousand
who wished that we could die
who went to sleep praying we would not have to wake up
because what we were enduring was intolerable
and we knew in our hearts
it wasn't ever gonna change

One day in a hospital room in New York City
one of us had what the books call
a transforming spiritual experience
and he said to himself

I've got it
(no you haven't you've only got part of it)
and I have to share it
(now you've ALMOST got it)
and he kept trying to give it away
but we couldn't hear it

the transmission line wasn't open yet
we tried to hear it
we tried and we died

we died of one last cigarette
the comfort of its glowing in the dark
we passed out and the bed caught fire
they said we suffocated before our body burned
they said we never felt a thing
that was the best way maybe that we died
except sometimes we took our family with us

And the man in New York was so sure he had it
he tried to love us into sobriety
but that didn't work either, love confuses drunks
and he tried and still we died
one after another we got his hopes up
and we broke his heart
because that's what we do

And the worst thing was that every time
we thought we knew what the worst thing was
something happened that was worse

Until a day came in a hotel lobby
and it wasn't in Rome, or Jerusalem, or Mecca
or even Dublin, or South Boston
it was in Akron, Ohio, for Christ's sake

a day came when the man said I have to find a drunk
because I need him as much as he needs me
(NOW you've got it)
and the transmission line
after all those years
was open
the transmission line was open

And now we don't go to priests
and we don't go to doctors
and people with letters after their names
we come to people who have been there
we come to each other
and we try
and we don't have to die

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
©—Jack Mc

It Could Have Been Me

2011-02-13T09:50:00.007-05:00

I have 21 minutes left on my laptop battery to knock this post out until shutdown. I hate writing under pressure. Let's see how this goes.

Mother of Children Killed in Pahrump Fire Arrested, Charged With Manslaughter ~LVRJ.com

http://www.lvrj.com/news/mother-of-children-killed-in-pahrump-fire-arrested-charged-with-manslaughter-116092449.html

I wanted to throw up when I first heard the news that Sharon Braodhead's neglect was the real cause of the fire that took the lives of her 3 young sons and her friend. Then I wanted to just throw something.

I was embarrased for setting up a fundraiser, for getting everyone I could involved in helping, and most of all, I was afraid of the judgement I would receive when I stepped into my office Monday morning. Some people label me a busy-body for getting involved with so many charities and tragedies. I didn't want to face the looks or comments that scream "so how do you feel for helping out now?" from those that really should matter to me at all.

Shame on me. My self-centeredness, pride and ego wanted to take this and run. Run, run, run all the way to oblivion.

It took getting on the phone with my sponsor to calm my ass down, let some frustration out and to see that I was reacting like many people to this news...like a hyprocite. Now my Jenniflower did not say that word, I did. However, she did suggest that I write about this so I'm following Good Orderly Direction *wink*.

What Sharon Broadhead did, or didn't do, when it comes to being a mother is not far off from how I've acted in my own motherly responsibilities. What I'm saying is that could have been me in that mug shot.

Not too long ago, I was a lousy, self-centered drunk. Before I had my daughter, I was pathetic. I didn't know how to care for myself, much less another human being. There was a time I almost killed my cats from neglect. Maybe pathetic isn't a strong enough word.

During my daughter's first 3 years of life there were many times I did not take the time to read her stories, bathe her, cuddle her, play with her, put her to bed, love her. I neglected her far too often because I was too wrapped up in myself to take notice. I didn't "feel" like being a mom. I was full of self pity, anger and alcohol.

In no way am I excusing Sharon Broadhead's behavior that led to this tragedy. I believe it's a family issue and many were involved and should have stepped up. Those boys should not have been left in her care.

Any next time you want to watch TV instead of playing with your kids, or read alone in a quiet room without them near you, or even post a blog while they play in their room alone, think of how neglect comes in many forms.

What I am saying might not make sense. I guess I don't do so well under pressure afterall. But my sponsor said it best with this FB comment:

"Mom will be dealing with her own personal hell for the rest of her life- and meanwhile there are still 3 children gone and that have other siblings and family members suffering horribly from this tragedy. The children deserve a proper burial and the remaining kids also deserve the support and love they have been given from the community and anyone else who has chosen to reach out to them. God help me - while I may be sober mommy today - it was not that long ago that I wasn't sober. As for anyone who is passing judgments and making assumptions about this family - "People who live in glass houses should not throw stones."

If you still would like to make a difference for Anthony Broadhead and his two surviving older daughter's , please go to this link:

http://helpforhannah.chipin.com/the-broadhead-family-pahrump-nevada

What matters most now is that Sharon is where she needs to be. The family members left behind still need help. They need it more than ever. I am so glad they live in a community that is wrapping their loving arms around them.

For the scoffers out there, your judgement and hatred have no place here; not in Pahrump, not in the world.

If you haven't noticed, we're taking out our own civilization because of it.

How to Help the Broadhead Family

2011-02-11T07:46:00.002-05:00

Several fundraising efforts are under way to help the families of the Pahrump fire victims.

Light blue wristbands with the words "In Loving Memory" printed on them are being sold for a dollar at schools and businesses in Pahrump. All of the money will go to the victims' families, said Lisa Holleman, owner of Pahrump Party Supply, the business that donated the 3,000 wristbands.

Las Vegas resident Jennifer N. has set up an online account for donations through a website called chipin.com. The full address is

http://helpforhannah.chipin.com/the-broadhead-family-pahrump-nevada

Jennifer said she decided to start the effort after talking to a friend who knows the Broadhead family.

Those who wish to donate also can contribute to an account in the Broadhead name that has been opened at Nevada State Bank in Pahrump.

Clothing is being collected for surviving family members. What is needed are junior pants sizes 0-1; junior shirts in medium; girls size 6.5 and 8 shoes; girls pants size 14; and women's shirts in medium, large and XL.

For more information about clothing and monetary donations, contact the Saitta Trudeau car dealership in Pahrump where Anthony Broadhead and his mother work. The number is 775-727-0102.

Source: Las Vegas Review-Journal. Reporter Henry Brean at hbrean@reviewjournal.com or 702-383-0350.

Pahrump, NV Family Loses the Unimaginable

2011-02-10T13:36:00.014-05:00

This morning I walked into the office, already not feeling well. The first thing I saw on my desk was the morning paper, folded neatly and banded by its rubber band just waiting for me to take it to the breakroom.

"Children, baby sitter die" stared out at me from the folded front page, stopping my heart. I debated if I even wanted to know more. What an awful headline yet I was drawn to the story with a longing to already do something to help.

I read it in it's entirety. Tears welled up as I saw the look in the father's eyes as he watched his dying children being taken one by one to the ambulances. Unimaginable. If hell exists, this is it.

I posted a link to my FB wall. I listened in the breakroom to others that were commenting on the story. My heart wanted to do something. My mind said "then what's stopping you?"

A FB friend even knows a member of the family. She and I agreed that doing more would be a great idea.

Here is the link to the story from our Las Vegas Review Journal. The pictures will disgust you. Hopefully, you will find yourself wanting to help this family too.

http://www.lvrj.com/news/three-children-1-adult-die-in-pahrump-house-fire-115667044.html

One person commented below the story the following:

mrability wrote on February 10, 2011 09:42 AM:
sad for the kids But that place is full of whte tailer park trash,look at the facts,ride there on the motor cycle a few times a year. Not impressed with the place.

This angered me even more to want to help. Getting mean, ugly or senseless over a tragedy such as this is a pure waste of time. To be able to use your passion to do something to help, rather than continue such ugliness, is what we are on this Planet to do.

I'll be setting up some kind of Cause on FB to help raise donations for the Broadhead Family. They are going to need a rally of support from the community, help in getting another home, a safe place to start over.

If you're interested in doing something for the Broadhead Family, here is the Chip In donation page.

It Waits...

2011-02-07T16:23:00.023-05:00

A milestone in sobriety is within reach. It can be seen in the not-so-distant future. It's presence brings hope to me and to many others. With it comes the promise of a new life and the chance to be happy, joyous and free.

Not everyone is pleased that this good news is coming. There is one that is fiercy jealous and wickedly greedy with my thoughts. One who is cunning, baffling, powerful and deadly.

This madman awakens at times like these with just a whisper and exits with the roars of lions. It cannot be heard from the outside; it's playhouse resides in the deep recesses of my mind. It waits for me, stalking me during my days of happiness and serenity. It laughs when I experience what my God has given me all along. When I am at peace, the monster just smiles.

Days like these bring me to a crossroads. The choice to continue along the road to a happy destiny Divinely constructed or to grab the hand of an old friend and disappear into the darkness that lies just outside the sunlit path.

What this demon does not know or chooses to accept, is that there have been too many days of goodness, too many hours of love and joy that have laid the foundation onto which I fall. When I stumble today, it is not into oblivion. I trip into the arms of those that hold me up, those that keep me together. The Army of "WE" comes running and they will not loosen their grip without a fight.

I am not a captive today. I know where to go when the lies get too loud. I have a safety net built of bonds stronger than steel. I do not walk this path alone. Today I can rest knowing the wickedness will be pushed back, will be defeated into submission and retreat, if only for a little while.

It waits...

Someone Call a Waaambulance

2011-02-07T07:00:00.009-05:00

Yep, you got it. I'm up again at an un-Godly hour to whine. I can't help myself. From the immortal lyrics of a favorite song "I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell..."(Matchbox Twenty, "Unwell").

Since whining doesn't really work for me anymore and feeling sorry for myself certainly gets me nowhere, it's time to get rid of it. And this is where I come to do it. Feel free to log off at anytime. It won't be pretty.

Yesterday I was speaking to one of my favorite people on the phone. (Real names will not be used to protect the innocent). She was telling me about how a mutual friend was going to have a series of surgeries to correct a facial disfigurement caused by too much facial tissue being removed to save oneself from deadly cancerous cells. Our friend had most of one side of their nose removed to save them from melanoma advancing into lethal stages.

I was like "YAY!" in my mind hearing this news though it sounded like a long road our friend was going to have to be on to get through all of these surgeries. But when I was told that she suggested to our friend that he call me because I know all about having a not-so-great nose left behind by a botched surgery, I was like "Nooooooo!".

Of course I laughed it off and said not one word about how unfucking cool that was. I could never do something like that! *gasp* So instead I hold it in all damn day, stuff it, and let it turn into a resentment that wakes me up at this hour just to whine about it on my blog. Waaaaaaa!

I've been home for 4 days straight nursing a sick child back to health. She and I stayed home Thursday and Friday battling a ridiculous fever and an even more ridiculous pediatrician that couldn't find time for a same-day sick visit.

Did I launch into "Mama Bear Mode" and demand that my daughter get an appointment? No. Did I demand to speak with another appoinment setter in the hopes of being seen? No. Did I just take my baby down there and show up unannounced and say "Here, fix her. It's what my insurance pays you to do!" No.

I just stayed home with her loving her as best as I could. It all worked out fine. Riley is back to 100% again and I'm so over feeling inadequate, well, except for the lingering feeling that I suck as a Mom when it comes to being firm and getting the proper care she needs.

So, instead of calling their office today to voice my opinion of their lame same-day sick visit regulations, I'm going to passive aggressively find another pediatrician and have her records transferred. That'll show 'em. Waaaaaaa!

Today is Monday. That sucks all in it's own right but I've had 4 days "off" and it puts a new spin on the suckiness of a normal Monday. This morning I am not able to find the gratitude I need to get me excited to get my ass up (wait, I'm already up) and go to my job. And what stinks even more is that I need to watch what I say about my job because blogging over the world wide web about my lack of passion for what I do for a living might just find me unemployed at any moment thus launching me into instant gratitude for something I no longer have.

I will say this and shut up. It's tough for a self-centered, egomaniac like me to suit up and show up 5 days a week to a job where there's no passion, no future, not one bit of making this world just a little bit better. The best thing I can do today is be extra kind and respectful to the a-hole that calls in and takes out his a-holiness on the first person that answers the phone, a.k.a., me. Waaaaaaa!

Ugh. I took a "proofing break" and re-read this and found myself even more bummed out. If you're still reading this, let me help us out of this mess though I did warn you that it wouldn't be pretty.

It's be suggested to me in my almost 3 years of sobriety to not harbor resentments, a fancy word for holding a grudge and getting one step closer to another drink, and the focus on the solution rather than the problem. The more I focus on the problem, the bigger it gets. And I know today that this ego of mine does NOT need to get any bigger.

At this point in the game of life, I believe I need to take better care of myself. Plain sobriety is not enough. Setting boundaries comes to mind. Speaking up for what I believe in comes in as a close second.

What's so hard about telling someone that what they said has hurt my feelings? For a people-pleaser such as myself, it's very hard. But I've learned now that people pleasing is an oxymoron and the only thing it gets me is a resentment.

When it comes to the health of my child and demanding the best care she deserves, there's absolutely no excuse for not getting it. Bad Mommy, no biscuit.

And if I'm so damn upset about having a dead-end, going absolutely nowhere job, I need to get browse the classifieds for about 2 minutes and gain a different perspective. Or how about I go down to the nearest welfare office and see how fun hanging around there would be.

God I get on my nerves.

I can hear you now saying "Don't be so hard on yourself!" Well, too late. This is how I roll. Don't worry, it doesn't last nearly as long as it used to and I know today that there's no drink out there that will make this, or any bad situation, better.

The word "pray" just popped into my head. Thanks HP. That's a fancy word for my God, otherwise known as my Higher Power. It's been brought to my attention that the mention of the word "God" on my blog has turned some people off from reading it.

Ironic how it should be the bitching, moaning and groaning that should turn people off, not the mention of my concept of what keeps me sober, happy, joyous and free when I choose to lean on it.

So for those that think "God" is a four-letter word, too fucking bad.

A Furry Friend In Need

2011-01-27T18:35:00.012-05:00

Hannah Wells is a 6-year old, gorgeous chocolate lab female that's in a lot of trouble. She's always been a bit on the mischievious side and now she's really done it.

Hannah ate something last night that has now blocked her entire intestinal tract. She's been at the Emergency Vet since late last night and has now been moved to her regular vet. They are needing to perform emergency surgery today or young Hannah will not survive.

Jenniflower Wells is my absolute bestest buddy here in Vegas. I know Hannah personally and have never had a complaint. Well...except that she's mighty curious about my tush. But that's besides the point :)

I'd like to get the word out that Hannah needs help. The Wells' family has already given $900 towards the cost of the surgery but they need help raising the $1,600 it will take to give Hannah the surgery and bring her home.

Go to this Chipin.com direct link to donate:
http://helpforhannah.chipin.com/helping-hannah-wells

If you cannot give financially, please, as a personal favor to me and my love for Jennifer, please spread the word.

Together, we can do this!

When Friends Go To Bat For You

2011-01-26T18:01:00.038-05:00

Earlier this morning, I posted a question on my FB page. The subject matter centered around a man that I have known for over 20 years and was once extremely head-over-heels in love with. Knowing this man and spending over a year of my life with him in an 18-wheeler, he became one of the foundation stones that makes me "ME" today. Without knowing him, I could never dream of being 1/2 of what I am today. Thank you JB.

I recently looked for and found my long lost friend on FB. I owed him an amends for my past behavior and an honest apology for all the crap I put him through. The moment we talked again, it was like 20 years dissolved instantly. We didn't miss a beat.

However, we did choose different paths. We both live very different lives today. It didn't take long until I was faced with an extremely difficult decision. I had to think outside of my desires, get honest, do the right thing and most importantly, be true to myself. Not easy for a recovering, self-centered drunk like me.

The following is a FB dialogue of this struggle and how it helped me solidify my decision to let him go, again. It was all because of some help from some amazing women. Each lady is so strong and so completely inspiring.

You might find this conversation fascinating; witnessing first hand two very different points of view that hold well worth their weight in gold. Experience, strength and hope is what was presented to me and not one bit of it slipped through my fingers.

I took a step back a few hours later and reviewed the stream. I knew immediately I had to share it. It showed me was just how LOVED I am. Truly and deeply loved by some kick-ass bitches. We should all be so lucky.

Thank you ladies for going to bat for me. Thank you for showing me that even if I never find the "one", I am already beyond blessed having you in my life. XOXO

The following is a stream post from FB, snipped in it's entirety with minor spelling fixes and name protection put in place. Can't have anyone kicking anyone's ass now can we? lol

Jenny Defx: What's that saying...if you love someone, set them free. If you find them again 15 years later, married and raising kids, set them free again. Right?

AM: Do you really want to know how I feel?

Jenny Defx: Always...

AM: How does he feel? He might not even want to be in his marriage. Maybe he has been carrying you around in his heart for 15 years and just yearning to find you again. Maybe he regrets being let free in the first place. Home is where the heart... is... The marriage already had cracks if he still loves you and wants you. Doll, I am in love with a man that I probably will never have the way I want... If you both love each other, love each other and don't let go this time.

REM: Idk the situation but I want to say something if that's ok Jenny?

Jenny Defx: You bet.

REM: If he's married with kids...walk, no, run away. I have watched this scenario over and over and was dumb enough to get involved in it once. It never goes well for the....umm....mistress. Whether it's a physical or emotional affair, you won't... be put first and your needs won't be met.

You are a beautiful, wonderful woman and you deserve the BEST. You don't need the drama and neither does Riri. The other kids will not have much respect, if any, for a woman that's right there as their Mom and Dad's marriage falls apart. Whether or not you do, they'll blame you for breaking it up and it will take a long time for then to get past that as well as damage their trust with their Dad. Too many casualties of domestic war to be a good thing. If he were truly your 'meant to be' then he would be completely available and as emotionally healthy as you are. He's probably looking for a 'fix' to escape his problems and you happen to be right there. Don't stoop to that. You are worth so much more sweetie! ♥ you!

REM: To add to that, I wasn't implying that you are having an affair, just that maybe the thought of sticking around or being a presence was there and the just being emotionally there can lead to an emotional affair. I hope that makes sense...

LOG: Amen to all of the above, Sweeties :o)

AM: Not to confuse you but my kids tell me to leave for love and want me happy. Are the kids from that marriage? The kids might see that dad and mom aren't happy either. Sure, divorce sucks, but staying in one and always wondering with regrets does too. There is always multiple sides.

Jenny Defx: Doing the right thing is hard. Figuring out what that is is far more difficult.

REM: I understand AM but if he leaves, Jenny should NOT have any bearing on his decision. It needs to be his and his alone...because he is unhappy. NOT because he has another warm bed to crawl into. He's not wanting to face his problems. He wants to escape them and find comfort somewhere else.

I'm sorry but 'I'm not in love anymore' is a piss-poor reason for divorce. They need to get some counseling and put some effort into that marriage to make it better. Love isn't just always there and feelings are deceitful. It takes commitment and it takes work and sacrifice of self.

I wouldn't want a man that can walk out on his wife and children after years just because he feels like it. I wouldn't want that for my children either. I'd rather be alone.

LOG: REM, in my opinion, you are wise beyond your years :o)

REM: Awww thanks LOG! It's not me, it's the blessing of listening to those much older and wiser than me that finally decided to change their life. They inspire me not to live in my 'ism' :D

AM: That's not what I meant. I don't want Jenny jumping in bed with a married man. This is when he decides the marriage is over...after that. Marriage therapy takes two. I know this man would take his kids and not walk out on them ever. Once again there are multiple sides to every story. He also will respect Jenny's morals. Follow your heart.

Jenny Defx: AM, you hit this man's character right on the head.

AM: I know your heart, Darlin'...There is only one type of man that could get you in this much of a true love dilemma....and that's a real man.

REM: She shouldn't be any part of a man leaving his wife. Plain and simple. She deserves her own man that is right there, ready and waiting for her. She deserves a man that isn't carrying emotional baggage from his last relationship and jumping right into a new relationship with her. If he leaves, which is a bad move on his part unless she's cheating or beating him, he needs to take a year at MINIMUM to get himself in check emotionally and mentally and HEAL from the divorce.

Regardless of how 'not in love' he thinks he is, it's gonna hurt and he needs to work through that pain, not cover it up with a new relationship. It's not healthy to jump from one relationship to another.

As for your kids telling you to be happy, I'm glad they do but remember...they are KIDS. You are the adult, you have to do what's best for them and that may not be easy. Walking away from a marriage because 'I don't feel like it' or 'I don't feel in love anymore' is not good. Your feelings change as you grow. Yes, living with regrets from 'what if' can suck but what about the flip side?

What about jumping right into another relationship that may seem great but turns out worse than what you had before? Then what? You screwed yourself and your kids. Unless you are being abused or they are having an affair, I say get off your pity pot, suck it up and really work for it! Nobody gets good things by sitting around wishing for them.

Jenny, you deserve SO much more!!

Jenny Defx: There's a definite and clear reason why both you ladies (and LOG too) are amazing friends for me. I need the support both of you are offering. Thank you ooodles :)

REM: And a REAL man is a man of his WORD...NO matter what. He gave his word to his wife when he married her that he would be there and love, honor and cherish her for the rest of his life. If he can't keep those vows, he's not a real man. He's a little boy being led around by his emotions.

REM: Luv you lady! To thine own self be true...you know deep down what's right and only you can decide that.

AM: People get married for many reasons and divorced for many others. It isn't our place to judge. Living our lives by "paint by numbers" is a nice picture, but in reality we all have to make that picture our own somehow.

REM: Living our life based on feelings and no consideration for the long term is horribly immature and selfish. There are children involved and they need to be considered. If you are not ready to commit for life then you shouldn't be married. Just cuz it feels good in the moment doesn't mean it's right.

Whatever happened to the sanctity of marriage? It isn't 'paint by numbers', it's keep your word and think your decisions through before you make them...aka being an adult.

REM: Please understand I say this from a place of love, AM. If it comes across harshly, I'm sorry. I'm not the best at having tact and being PC. I hope I didn't offend anyone and if so, I apologize.

AM: I got remarried because I had brain cancer and needed insurance and needed someone to raise my kids if I died...there was no love... I am even a pastor... All I am saying is don't judge. That is what God does.

REM: Ok..but, you made a commitment. You made the choice to commit to him and you need to be an adult and keep that commitment. You chose to get married for some tough reasons but that doesn't excuse that you committed to him.

If he's been taking care of you and your kids and is willing to be there for them if you die, and they aren't his, you should definitely stay and put your heart into that! There aren't a whole lot of men that will take that on. He may not be perfect but sounds like he's worth giving your all to.

REM: And I'm not judging. I have no place to judge. I've just made mistakes and seen others make mistakes. I've learned from them and I'm just trying to offer that knowledge.

AM: We also made the agreement to go our own ways once everything is in the clear. We don't even sleep in the same bed.

REM: I'm not even going to comment on that.

AM: Thank you.

JBW: Wow! Everyone is entitled to their opinion - as a married women I have to say that for me, REM has the most realistic view of how this kind of thing unfolds. While I also believe that you should follow your heart - I also believe that ...you can do that with a little bit of logic in hand.

There was a time when I lived in a fantasy world - I also found myself angry that things did not turn out the storybook way I thought they should - today I try to make healthy decisions based on what I believe my HP would have me do - I try to keep my hands out of things and let them take their natural course without any help from me - I try to keep my side of the street clean.

I believe that if something is meant to be - it will happen. - If this man is meant to be with Jenny - this will all unfold without any doing on Jenny's part. Jenny deserves an honest, devoted, kind, loving, and big hearted man.

I also KNOW that Jenny has no intention on interfering with anyone's "marriage" - she is an amazing, bright young lady that has worked very hard at paving a new road for herself - I know in my heart (with a little bit of logic ;0) that her HP will continue to present to her with many amazing opportunities to grow and become everything she has always strived to be and in the midst of all this - the "uber" person she has become and is becoming will continue knock the socks off many men to come.

Keep your options open doll face ;0) I love you!!!!!!

The Walmart Gourmet Giveaway!

2011-01-24T16:46:00.004-05:00

My friend Leah is doing her first Giveaway and I just had to share!!

Go to her blogspot and check it out>>>

http://thewalmartgourmet.blogspot.com/

Here's a little snipette:

"Monday, January 24, 2011
My First Giveaway!

Today, I wanted to get this giveaway posted so that everyone will have all week to enter! Yay!

A while back, I signed up to be a Creative Partner for Initials, Inc. They have all these super cute purses, bags, and lots of kids school type stuff. You can also check out my personal website myinitials-inc.com/leahlynch. I'm going to be setting up an online party soon, to try and give myself a jump start.

Hopefully this will give me some motivation. Because I am TERRIBLE at sales. Just awful. No lie, I was the most kick ass waitress, but when we had one of those selling contests, I NEVER won. If people said "no", I was like, alright, no problem, water it is! You want dessert? No? Alrighty then, here's your check!

Plus, I don't even really know anyone here besides my mom, blah, blah, excuse, excuse. But then the lovely Joanna at Raising Madison inspired me with her Scentsy sales, so I decided to give it another try.

I've decided to kick off my re-launch with a giveaway. Because really? Who doesn't like free stuff?

Here's what you have to do:

Shoot me an email to leahslunchbox@gmail.com with your full name and email address so I can add you to my mailing list. Post a comment in the comments section. I'll keep the contest open until Friday, and then use random.org to draw over the weekend.

If you want an extra entry, you can tweet the contest or post it to your facebook. Make sure you leave an additional comment telling me what you did.
And now for the good stuff.

I'm giving away this awesome portfolio wallet! With personalization! And you get to pick the color you want. I personally use this wallet and I love it!"

Burning Roses

2011-01-19T23:26:00.004-05:00

These last few days I have been struggling with the knowledge of something that took me by surprise and knocked me on my ass. It's time to get it out, to purge, to heal and let go.

I write this at the risk of hurting another. However, I cannot let that detour me. This is where I come when I'm hurting, confused, angry or happy. This is my private space that I choose to share with anyone who cares to partake. There has never been a time where I've held back and I'm not about to start now.

This post is about a man that I once knew. A man I truly wanted with everything I had. A man that I didn't think existed. A man who came and went as quickly as a shooting star across the desert sky. His absence in my life has now left a wake that I am drowning in and to be honest, it's starting to piss me off.

I wanted this man for all the right reasons. He was handsome, sexy, tattooed, single, a father, a counselor for at-risk youth and homeless teens, clean, sober, kind and generous. The thought of him would have me daydreaming of a future with someone that shared my interests, hopes, dreams. Someone that wanted to make this world a better place. And he had the most amazing sideburns.

After a couple of dates, a handful of phone calls, countless texts and a dozen long-stem red roses, it was over.

He stopped calling me. I didn't bother harrassing, stalking, obsessing or bitching. After about a week, I reached out, after swearing that I wouldn't. I already knew what he was saying with his silence. I knew he was gone. I was the only one left wondering what happened. I was the only one who cared.

He was honest after I asked him what was wrong. He told me he liked me but was simply too busy to see me anymore. And that was the end of that.

I let it go (or so I thought). It felt good that the truth was out and that we both knew where we stood. Clean, healthy split. Isn't that how it's supposed to be?

Fast forward two weeks later. Now I'm running into him each morning at my daughter's school. We don't speak; we don't say hello. We rush by hoping not to cross paths. It borders on rudeness and it's eating me up.

When I see him, I want to touch him. I want to reach out and laugh with him again. I want to do something, anything besides this ignoring, pretending we don't know each other bullshit.

My ego kicks in.
"How can he NOT like me? Look at me! I'm awesome."

Then come my resentments.
"What's his problem anyway? Where does he get off "dumping" me like that?"

And lastly, self-centered, self pity arrives.
"What did I do? What is wrong with me? Did I say something wrong?"

The one thing that's missing, the most important, crucial thing in all of this that I am still lacking is...

ACCEPTANCE.

There doesn't have to be ONE reason why this happened. There doesn't have to be any rational explanation. No one needs to place blame. No one needs to be hurt.

This guy is cruising right along as he always was before I barged into his life. He's perfectly fine with how he's living. And it's time I get back to being perfectly fine with how I'm living too.

Before this all happened, I surrounded myself with positivity, light, peace, love, gratitude and serenity. And it made me better than ever. I found "Jenny" again after losing her for what seemed an eternity.

So things didn't work out. So the fantasy didn't come true. Jenny didn't get her man. ACCEPTANCE is the key to all my problems today. So what makes me think I can go another day of running into this person and refusing to allow acceptance to enter in?
Seems to me that not to do so would just be juvenile and self-defeating. And the Jenny that I've been reunited with doesn't play that way anymore.

Now all that is left to do is to get my best friend over here tomorrow night and burn some roses.

XOXO,

Jenny

An Unexpected Gift

2010-12-28T16:33:00.035-05:00

The Christmas of 2010 was supposed to be just like every other Christmas that came before it. Same faces, same places, same routines, same...well, everything. Thankfully my expectations were nothing more than ideas based on superficial, mundane concepts.

A few days ago, Santa came and went, gifts were swooped down upon, played with and left behind in stacks next to torn and discarded wrapping paper.

The cookies were devoured, the movies watched, the stories read. Pretty much like every year except for one thing. Everything was different.

Our family was suffering through a personal loss that we weren't planning. We were suffering through the loss of one of our brightest stars; one of our dearest members.

She wasn't with us this year. She wasn't with her husband, her in-laws, her children. She was alone, preparing to fly out of town to a state she'd never been to before, to a place she never knew existed, until that morning.

Christmas evening, the rest of us stood around the kitchen without her, trying to talk about the usual things while watching the kids play and laugh, feeding our faces though the food never satisfied our hungry souls.

The silence of not having her with us was deafening. My brother, her husband, couldn't stick around for long; the void was too much.

I watched as tears welled up in my mother's eyes. Words of comfort could not pacify the fears. There was a feeling of helplessness that could not be shaken. What was to come of this? What was going to happen?

Who the hell knows what's going to happen when a family is falling apart.

And that's just it...no one knows. No one know just what kind of magic can happen when everyone "accepts defeat", gets out of the way and let's God get His hands on the situation. Magic amongst the sorrow.

Our family, though stunned and shaken, did anything but fall apart. We came together. Still disoriented by the morning's events, we rose above it, stood tall and held on, to each other.

My brother and I shared a moment of understanding and forgiveness. My past mistakes became attributes in his eyes. For only 1,000 days earlier, I found myself exactly where his wife was today. Years of his judgement dissolved instantly.

My mother's constricting bonds of trying to save those in need, those in pain, were cut away. Now she had to let go and in return, was set free. Sad but still free.

Her parents were surrounded by those that could explain and share with them what shey was going through and what she was feeling. To reassure them that she was right where she needed to be. Bittersweet comfort came over them. Hope was born. Thank you Jenniflower.

The children had each other and they had us. Their natural sweetness and strength carried them through the day.

The dog? Well she just was as oblivious as she always was.

Fast forward to today. Today we wait. We wait for her return next month with open arms, hearts and minds.

My sister-in-law is my inspiration to keep going, to keep the faith. She shows me that miracles can happen. She's my hero for reaching out and asking for help.

Through her brokeness will come a family that is closer and stronger than it ever was. She saved us by saving herself.

And I get to cherish this unexpexted gift.

Thank you Sis. I simply love and adore you.

There's Something You Should Know...

2010-12-20T12:21:00.005-05:00

My Mom sent me this and it just brought a tears to my eyes and I knew right away I had to share it with you.

TO MY DEAREST FRIENDS & FAMILY:

There were probably many, many times this year when I may have

Disturbed you,

Troubled you,

Pestered you,

Irritated you,

Bugged you,

Or got on your nerves....

Knowing me, I never took the time to say "I was wrong."

So today I just wanted to tell you...........

Suck it up Cupcake, because there are NO CHANGES planned for 2011!!!

Tears of laughter!! Thanks Mom
XOXO

Christmas Gift Ideas (it's not what you think)

2010-12-14T18:10:00.011-05:00

I'm stealing this straight from a quote posted at my office. It moved me and each day this holiday season, I am trying to do at least one of these suggestions.

It's harder than I thought...

Christmas Gift Suggestions:

To your enemy, forgiveness.

To an opponent, tolerance.

To a friend, your heart.

To a customer, service.

To all, charity.

To every child, a good example.

To yourself, respect.

~quote by Oren Arnold

Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

2010-12-10T05:29:00.009-05:00

Really? Just what does that mean anyway? I've never been able to wrap my head around this phrase, this simple concept and this morning, it baffles me even further.

Recently I have played and enjoyed the Numbers Game on FB. Many good friends have said amazing things about me. It really helped me see what a valuable person I am in so many lives. It's easy to forget.

I'd like to share one particular post that brought all of that crashing down for me, at least temporarily. As you will read, this person has only the best in mind for me yet I was able to find the negative in it, and of course, I'm chewing on this like a dog on a bone.

"A few times in your life you get an opportunity to meet someone who amazes you in so many ways, and on so many levels. Someone who you immediately judge to be one way, but then find out there is immeasurable depth in intellect and emotion. Someone that you have incredible physical chemistry with, and that chemistry that emanates from somewhere beyond just the skin-deep view that most people have of them. Their life, their feelings, their pain, their joy is a wonder to behold. And you don't understand the connection, or even want to try to understand it. You just accept it, in spite of how you think others may judge how you feel about this person. You amaze me, intrigue me, and excite me, 121. I am so glad I've come to know you the way I have. I hope we will have the opportunity to know each other on many other levels in the coming days."

This person works in the same circles as I do. We share our time with the same persons, inside a very tightly-knit atmosphere. From my 3 years there, I have taken note of the many ways most of these people are connected to each other.

Since my early days, I've wanted nothing but to fit in. I've wanted to be a part of whatever it is that makes these people so close, so friendly with each other. I've never quite succeeded.

It's taken a lot of courage to suit up and show up to this establishment every week day and hold my head up. It's been a struggle not to allow the way these people "see" me to get me down, to define who I am.

There's a reason why most of the people I work with see me a certain way, why I'm judged the way I am. Let me try to explain without opening the self-bashing flood gates.

...............
...........................
.....................................

I can't do it. I have written and deleted so many lines about what I don't have, what I don't look like, how "stupid", "dumb" and "simple" I can be. All in an attempt to show you how I come off to most of the people I work with. Almost defending the same attitudes and misconceptions of what others "see" in me.

I won't do it. I won't listen to that negative voice inside my head that wants to ultimately destroy me. The one that taunts me into believing the image that so many others see. The voice that holds the same power as evil that can actually kill me spiritually, if I listen.

What leaves me sad about all of this is how my first reaction is pain, self-loathing, self-pity. The exact emotions that I need to stay away from. I just re-read the post and tried to see it from a healthy perspective. I want to thank the person who wrote it and privately sent it to me. They hold a very lucrative position in this Company and they took a risk creating it. There's something to be said for that.

What leaves me peeved about all of this is that a majority of people, not only in this particular office, but possibly world wide, are fucking wrong, dead wrong.

Too many people are too caught up in things that hold absolutely no value, What good is being good looking, wealthy, inconceivably smart, successful and desireable if you use it as a bar to judge others with? I don't see the value in being someone like that.

Maybe it's because I could never fit into those variables and I'm jealous. Maybe it leaves me hurt and exposed that others see the "real" me and reject it. Maybe it's because I work within the walls of what life really is all about and I just don't get it. Maybe I'll never know.

But what I do know is I don't want to be like these people anymore. I just want to be Me. The Me that makes this place just a little bit better than it was before. The Me that desires to make someone else's life just a little bit better than it once was. the Me that seeks to give back all that has been given to Me. I want to be the Me that makes a difference in this world. The Me that my daughter sees, that my true friends see.

I want to lose the desire for this group of people to accept me. I want to be done with thinking twice about how I look to these people. So I don't make the cut. So I don't quite measure up. So this one person has to tippy-toe around because if anyone there found out we have made a connection, it would possibly damage his relations with others. I don't want any part of that.

I just want to be Me. The Me that will never be successful by most other's standards. The Me that can smile when she helps those less fortunate, those without presents to open on Christmas Day, those that feel alone, those that are in pain, those that are struggling to find a way out of the exact places I've been in.

I want to be the Me that God made me to be, no matter if it's not good enough for someone else.

Lennon's 'Lost' Las Vegas Weekends

2010-12-08T11:20:00.005-05:00

By COREY LEVITAN
LAS VEGAS REVIEW-JOURNAL

His musical presence still quakes the Strip, from The Mirage production bearing his rock band's household name to the revolving fab faux's "woooh!"-ing smaller venues.

But John Lennon, slain 30 years ago today by a deranged fan, once had a physical presence in Las Vegas, too.

It's well-documented that the Beatles played the Las Vegas Convention Center on Aug. 20, 1964, and stayed that night at the Sahara, where they also rehearsed. But few fans realize that the bespectacled former Beatle returned twice more to Las Vegas, during his mid-'70s separation from wife Yoko Ono, to quench a thirst for Vegas culture.

"He was fascinated with the Rat Pack and the old world of Las Vegas," said May Pang, Lennon and Ono's former personal assistant, who accompanied Lennon to Las Vegas as his lover on both getaways and documented their 18 months together in a 2008 book called "Instamatic Karma."

"With the Beatles, he never saw anything except the inside of a room," Pang said. "This time, he went back as a civilian, going around to take it all in.

"He was very much into Americana and wanted to experience it."

Lennon, who would have turned 70 in October, strove to be just another tourist at Caesars Palace, where he and Pang shared a deluxe suite for four days in October 1973. Gambling was an immediate draw, says Elliot Mintz, a TV reporter friend who accompanied the couple from their base in Los Angeles and later became the publicist for Ono and many other celebrities, including Paris Hilton.

"(Gambling) seemed like a very childlike experience to him," Mintz said. "John was immediately enchanted."

Mintz remembers lending Lennon $200 for roulette. ("He rarely carried money," Mintz explained.) Then Lennon announced he had "a system."

"He said the key was to cover every number except one," Mintz said. "John kept dropping all the chips over all the numbers. He said to let the croupier turn the wheel and it's a virtual certainty that you're going to win."

Within minutes, the chips were gone and word had reached all nearby gamblers about the legend in their midst. Mintz remembers it as "minor bedlam."

"A crowd gathered around him, but not the kind of crowd that gathered around high rollers," he said. "Everyone had cocktail napkins in their hands for him to sign."

Mintz said the moment of childlike tranquility quickly morphed into "a Hunter S. Thompsonesque-like Fellini movie."

"I told him it's probably a good time for us to leave," he said.

According to Pang, that first trip included a largely unreported footnote in music history: the only meeting between Lennon and '50s rock pioneer Fats Domino, who was headlining the Flamingo lounge over Frankie Valli.

"Fats came to our table before the show and sat down," said Pang, who reports that Lennon gushed: "I love you! I can't believe you're doing the lounge!"

Domino's "Ain't That a Shame," which appeared two years later on Lennon's "Rock 'N' Roll" album, was the first song taught Lennon by his mother, Julia, who died when he was a teenager. (She taught it to him with banjo chords, which he transposed to guitar.)

"I can't recall if he mentioned that," Pang said. "But they seemed very happy to meet each other."

Elvis Presley was never in town when Lennon was. But they had already met at Presley's Beverly Hills, Calif., home in 1965. And Lennon opposed the idea of catching his Hilton show. Earlier in 1973, when Mintz disclosed he was attending, Lennon demanded a full report.

"I described it in as much detail as I could," said Mintz, who strongly encouraged Lennon to attend. "I told him the songs he played, the configuration of the room. And I did add that, of course, he didn't look the way he looked on the Sullivan show. But if you closed your eyes and pretended ..."

That's when Mintz remembers being cut off.

"I don't want to close my eyes and pretend," Lennon said.

Lennon's final Las Vegas sojourn, in March 1974, was spent mostly at the Riviera, where he and Pang stayed. But it included a tour of the newly opened MGM Grand (now Bally's). It was a more stressful four days, Pang remembers, because they were accompanied by troubled singer Harry Nilsson, for whom Lennon was about to start producing an album. (Days later, Lennon and Nilsson would be ejected from the Troubadour nightclub in Los Angeles for shouting insults at headliners the Smothers Brothers from the audience.)

"If John joined Harry in escapades, I had to be the one to watch out," Pang said. "John would drink, too, but he would stop. After a while, John would say, 'I've had enough, I don't want to be in the papers.' "

In June 1974, Lennon and Pang moved back to New York to share an apartment. By January 1975, Lennon had returned to Ono and their digs at the Dakota building. ("The separation didn't work out," he told reporters at the time.) The couple had a son, Sean, for whom Lennon ditched five years of his career to raise. Lennon was murdered in 1980, at age 40, while returning to the Dakota from a recording session.

"When December 8 happened, it was such a loss," Pang said. "It was devastating. I got a call from Ringo's executive assistant. She's going, 'Which hospital?' And I'm saying, 'You can forget it, he's gone.' "

Since the 2006 opening of "Love," the only show ever co-produced by the Beatles, Las Vegas has become Liverpool west for Fab Four tourists. Mintz recalls accompanying Ono to the Cirque du Soleil co-production's premiere as her spokesman.

"I kept asking myself about how John would have reacted to all this," Mintz said. "I think that if he saw the reaction of the people who go to the theater to see 'Love,' in my heart of hearts, I feel that he would have been very pleased.

"When you go into that hotel, it just feels like you could be entertaining that era once again."

The Whale

2010-12-07T11:51:00.010-05:00

My Mom sent me this email and it really moved me. I hope it does the same for you. Thank you Mom. I love you dearly...

THE WHALE

If you read a recent front page story of the San Francisco Chronicle, you would have read about a female humpback whale who had become entangled in a spider web of crab traps and lines. She was weighted down by hundreds of pounds of traps that caused her to struggle to stay afloat. She also had hundreds of yards of line rope wrapped around her body, her tail, her torso, a line tugging in her mouth.

A fisherman spotted her just east of the Farallon Islands (outside the Golden Gate) and radioed an environmental group for help. Within a few hours, the rescue team arrived and determined that she was so bad off, the only way to save her was to dive in and untangle her. They worked for hours with curved knives and eventually freed her.

When she was free, the divers say she swam in what seemed like joyous circles. She then came back to each and every diver, one at a time, and nudged them, pushed them gently around as she was thanking them. Some said it was the most incredibly beautiful experience of their lives. The guy who cut the rope out of her mouth said her eyes were following him the whole time, and he will never be the same.

May you, and all those you love, be so fortunate to be surrounded by people who will help you get untangled from the things that are binding you. And, may you always know the joy of giving and receiving gratitude.

I pass this on to you, my friends, in the same spirit.~

Purpose

2010-12-03T01:53:00.009-05:00

I'm sitting here at the end of a great day, in my cozy bed with my laptop and a dozen thoughts buzzing around in my pretty little head. Good things are happening; great feelings are bubbling up from that long forgotten place deep inside my conscience. And the one word that keeps coming up when I try to pigeon hole these emotions is "Purpose".

Purpose. Really? I mean that's the best you can do? Awwww come on Jen. How about something more dramatic like "Reason" or "Fate"? Oh, OH...I know!! What about "Destiny" or even "Divinity"?!

Nope, sorry. Just "Purpose". Now shut up head and let me finish.

I believe as human beings, we all seek a reason for why we're living, why we're here, on this planet, experiencing all the bittersweet moments that make up our lives. I know for me, I've wondered many times just what the hell I'm supposed to do with my life and does it even matter that I'm here. There was a time that I asked myself if anyone would miss me if I were to disappear. And around that same time, not many people would have. I am blessed that today, many, many people would miss me and that I have no desire whatsoever to disappear. But that's not where I was going with this.

Seeking that grand explanation into why we exist is a bit of a tall order. It became too much for me to deal with so I became an alcoholic instead. Now I didn't set out to break my parents hearts, smash their dreams for me or ruin any chances of living a decent, respectable life; I just chose the path of least resistance. And it lead me right to Las Vegas, a single mother, broke, pathetic, and addicted not only to alcohol but to hopelessness.

I don't have to live that way anymore. Those of you that read my blog know most of my story. I don't care to relive it in this post but I do care to share just what I am feeling this night in particular.

You see, there's this guy....

LOL, I just had to say that for some giggles. (I like to giggle.)

No really, I did have a guy that's a friend ask me earlier to write a little something when I'm feeling good, not just when I'm bitching about yuppie scum or not having enough sodas and chocolate at my disposal (God I crack myself up).

Tonight I have been given the pleasure of knowing 100% that I have a purpose here on this planet. Just for tonight, there is a purpose for me being exactly who I am, not some fake wanna-be person, but the real deal. The real Jenny Jen Jen. And let me tell ya, it feels great.

When you can listen to someone share things that open them up to vunerability and be thrilled that they did, that's gratifying. When you can be there for someone when they need a real friend? Absolutely the coolest. When you can share with someone how you feel about things that you really can't explain but they "get it"? Bitchin'. When you spend an hour conversing with another human being and making a connection that helps you feel less alone? That's a gift. And when you can get off the phone, elated, knowing that your friend is in a better mood, a little happier, in a better "place" because of what you gave to the conversation? That's Purpose.

And that's what makes this recovering alcoholic, this bat-crazy single mommy, this struggling receptionist with no idea of what she wants to do when she grows up, a happy camper.

I can honestly say that, that Something Within is glowing inside me tonight and really making it clear that life, coincidence, and even the concept of "God" all come down to this feeling. The feeling that we all belong, we all need each other, we are all connected, and that we are not alone.

Life's good.

What I Almost Missed

2010-12-01T16:28:00.008-05:00

Today is my daughter's 6th Birthday. Only 6 short years ago, a doctor in Sylva, NC was removing a 22", 7 lb,11 oz human from my tummy. The anesthesia from the epideral left me paralyzed and not able to breathe on my own so I was a helpless lump on the operating table, as a nurse pumped oxygen into me with one of those bulbous bag thingies and my baby was taking her first breaths. It's funny how time can make you forget and almost minimize some of the most frightening yet strangest moments of your life.

Flash forward to December 1, 2010. I find myself in Las Vegas, NV working at the same job as a receptionist for almost 3 years, raising my lovely daughter on my own and actually smiling. It took a lot of sweat, tears, mistakes and regrets to get here and I couldn't be happier about it.

For about 10 days now, I have been in a funk. This blog post is going to snap me right out of it. Yep, you guessed it...it's GRATITUDE TIME! But before I begin, I have to digress just a wee bit...

Now, 6 years ago I brought into this world an amazing little person we call Riley. I didn't tell you that the reason WHY I was having Riley in the first place was because one night almost 9 months prior to that, I was too drunk and careless to give a damn, about anything, especially myself.

To spare you the boring details I'll get right to the point. I was an alcoholic dating a loser pothead and having the time of my life. I was living at my mom's (mind you I was 32 years old, not a teenager). I was pathetic, lazy, unaccountable and most of all, completely oblivious to anyone else's feelings. I was a drunk, just getting started on throwing away any chances of living a decent, self-respecting life.

Ok, so that sets the scene. My boyfriend and I did what two jackasses do when they are carefree and stupid and we created life. Ahhhh, yes...I really knew what it was to be a jerk.

Within 6 months, my once fun loving boyfriend had hit the road, my mother was at her wit's end dealing with a daughter that she could hardly stand to look at, and I was finding an end of my own. I couldn't run away from life anymore. Ironic how I wanted out of life when I had a life growing inside me.

My best friend in NC coaxed me into moving back out there and living with her while I finish trying to make this baby inside me and have some sense of stability. It was the answer to my prayers.

By August 2004, I found myself living in Whittier, NC with my best friend, her little poodle, my two cats and my growing belly. I was scared to death and took it out on Robin as often as I could. Because, after all, it was her fault that I was in this mess. (please, enjoy the sarcasm).

December 1, 2004 and I'm laying motionless on a gurney while the nurse bags me while trying to explain to my mother, who is in scrubs next to me, why I look lifeless and am not responding. One neat thing (again, sarcasm) about being temporarily paralyzed when the epidural pumps too much anesthesia into you is that you have no use of your body, you can't feel a thing, you can't open your eyes or move a finger but you can hear everything. It's a complete twilight zone, especially in the maternity O.R.

Little Riley was brought forth at 9:12 am. I couldn't lift my head to look at her but I could hear her first screams. Music to my numb ears. I could hear voices telling me she was beautiful and had all ten toes and ten fingers. I ached to see her myself.

The doctor then explained that she was going to sew me up now while they took Riley out to clean her up. By all means, go right ahead. I'll just lay here motionless and wish that someone hadn't f*cked up in the prep room so I can actually see and hold my own child after carrying her for 9 months. I never felt so lonely in all my life.

Finally, the anethesia began to wear off. It started with my being able to move my eyebrows, then I could blink and finally, smile. If I could scream "WTF was that?!?!" I would have. Instead, I just wanted to see my Riley. I turned my head to my left and someone held her at table level so I could glance at her.

All I saw was her bright pink nose and squished little face amongst all her blankets. My first words after getting my voice back were "Is she cute?" Seeing her little button nose was enough evidence for me. My biggest fear was that she would look like me with a cleft lip and palate. We were spared that heartbreak and given a great looking little monkey.

WHOOAAA can I digress...

I have to stop and get to the real reason why I started this post. I wanted to share with you what I
almost missed if I hadn't of messed up my life in NC with my active alcoholism and found my place to breathe and recover here in Las Vegas. And how I ended up in Vegas from NC is another long post for another day *wink*.

A good friend called Riley this morning to wish her a happy birthday. I haven't seen this lady in a while and we were catching up a bit after they talked. She congratulated me on some blessings in my life that I've recently acquired and it hit me...WOW. I AM BLESSED! And it's all because of recovery, no doubt about it.

If I hadn't reached my emotional bottom and made my way into the rooms of recovery, I wouldn't have anything like I have today. Who knows where I'd be or what I'd be doing. I do know that celebrating my Angel's 6th birthday and speaking to a wonderful friend would not be on the docket, that's for sure.

Today, I am proud to share with you just some of the blessings that I have been so grateful to receive and enjoy. Thank You GAAWD for being there for me always with your subtle whispers and gentle reminders that You love me and will never leave me. This one goes out to You.

> A healthy, happy, beautiful 6 year old daughter
> A rental house in the Lynwood Community
> A blackberry phone to keep in touch with my loved ones
> A Toyota Camry
> Nice clothes, shoes and makeup
> The same job for almost 3 years
> Being able to host a huge Birthday Party this weekend for my Riley
> Friends that love us and are coming to celebrate with us.
> Long-distance friends that would be here without-a-doubt if the miles didn't separate us
> My restored physical and mental health
> Having a good credit rating
> Finding a safe place to be able to breathe
> Money in the bank
> Paying the bills on time
> Being single and setting healthy boundaries in my relationships
> Having a solution for living this life as it comes, one-day-at-a-time
> Having compassion for others
> Being able to hear and respond to that Something Within, my gauge, that tells me when it's time to slow down, get back to basics and remember where I've come from...and how far I've gone.

TUGAAWD

2010-11-23T18:28:00.007-05:00

It's Thanksgiving Week, time to roll out the gratitude.

It was about this time last year when I watched Sarah Palin do an interview while a turkey was being slaughtered in the background. Classy. But it did something for me.

As I watched, I decided right then and there to pass on the turkey at Thanksgiving and double up on mashed potatoes. So I did just that. It made me feel so good that I didn't have anything to do with an animal being slaughtered so I could fatten up over the holidays. So I kept going with the "not going to eat anything with a face" movement.

It's been almost a year since I have become a vegetarian. Oh, I still eat cheese and some fish but for the most part, I pass up on all animals, even the eggs. (You don't want to know the truth behind what really goes on at the egg farms).

This post was not intended to be a post on my personal diet preferences. Rather, I set out to jot down some things that I'm grateful for this year. Vegetarianism just happens to be one of the many blessings in my life.

My 2010 Gratitude List
1. 968 days of continuous sobriety (thank God emotional sobriety doesn't count).
2. My funny, wonderful, amazing, beautiful daughter.
3. A chance to have a renewed and loving relationship with my Mom.
4. Being a vegetarian.
5. All my friends, near and far.
6. Being a receptionist. (Our Controller was just fired today. I'm glad I don't have THAT kind of responsibility up here at the front desk).
7. The men who I tried to love who couldn't love me back, because each and every one of them left behind a lesson about loving MYSELF that I needed to learn.
8. The memories of my Dad.
9. Knowing I choose to spend this Thanksgiving weekend with friends AND family.
10. My crazy dog Roxi who goes beserk with happiness each night I come home even though I leave her alone every morning and don't walk her near as often as I should.
11. Having a God in my life that loves me inspite of myself. That knows what's best for me. That's got my back. That believes in me. A God that picked me up by the scruf one Monday morning over 2 1/2 years ago and said "You've had enough".
12. I am most grateful for the memory of what I used to be like, where I'm at now and the hope of where I could be if I take this life, one-day-at-a-time, not give up on myself and keep believing that the Something Within has something more in store for me.
13. Chocolate.

"Try not to become a person of success, but rather try to become a person of value." ~ Albert Einstein

Pet Peeves - It's Rant Time

2010-11-12T13:10:00.010-05:00

I try not to be negative. I try not to be a bitch. But you know, sometimes you just have to let it out and let it rip. The following is just a little diddy on some annoying things that piss me right off.

Stop here if you can't handle someone else's stupid need to rant.
......................................................
.......................................
............
..
.

~ANNOYING SHIT~

1. People that call me Jenn and not Jen, especially after being told.
2. Letting stupid people like in #1 get to me so easily.
3. Tailgaters - I just want to slam on the brakes with a vengence most times.
4. Typos in my posts, no one else's, just mine because you know I like being perfect.
5. People that hang up after I've given my fake, cheery intro speal when I answer the phone at work.
6. Fake people. Redundant after #6, I know.
7. Let me be honest...most people in general.
8. Cigarette smoke.
9. Whistlers.
10. Flies.
11. Running late.
12. Adult acne.
13. Bras.
14. People that stare. You freaks know who you are.
15. People that pick their nose while driving. Or anywhere public for that matter.
16. People that don't say "Bless you" after you sneeze.
17. That Dexter will never know I exist.

Fund Raising For Training ~ Please Help!!

2010-11-05T21:37:00.007-04:00

Snipped from Team Eva's website at http://atteameva.blogspot.com/

Fund Raising For Training!!! Please Help!!

The Short Form:

Who: Livia and Eva

What: Livia is a Life Saving Service Dog for 2 year old Eva. Livia needs more expensive training. This is a fund raiser for that training.

Where: We live in WI, USA, but this can happen from anywhere.

When: Until we raise all the money needed which is $2,000.

Why: Eva has a rare form of apnea and Livia can save her.

How: Donations are accepted through www.paypal.com with this email address: servicedog4eva@gmail.com

Any little bit helps, even posting this on your blog, Twitter RT's, FB, etc.

If you have any questions, please ask. Thank you very much. God bless you!!

@Team Eva

She is the Miracle

2010-10-29T16:57:00.008-04:00

I just found this in my pants pocket. It says "I Am A Miracle". It's a coin key ring that a friend of mine gave me back in March for my 2-year sobriety anniversary.

My daughter saw it this morning, hanging on my bathroom wall where I always keep it. It reminds me everyday what a blessing my sober life is.

She took it down and proceeded to look for a place on her jacket to attach it to so she could wear it today. I really wanted to tell her "No, put it back and stop messing with it!" but (1) I don't talk to my babe that way and (2) I subscribe to the No Big Deals campaign. Now, if it were my Mimi's pearls, it would be over before she could take her next breath.

Upon failing to find a good spot to hang it to, Ri decided to slip it in my pocket and told me "Mom, when you find this later today, remember how much I love you."

Las Vegas Family in Need

2010-10-26T18:54:00.006-04:00

The following message was sent to me by my VP. She's asked for our help in doing what we can to step up. This is my way of doing something.

If you're local to Las Vegas, please consider helping out as well. It feels amazing to help someone that you will never meet. Pay it forward, if you will.

There is a gal, Renee Starling, who works for my husband’s company. Her son and his family were involved in a very bad rollover accident on their way here to Las Vegas from California on Friday, 10/22. Her son and their 3 kids have all been treated and released from the hospital. The little girl may have lost most of her ear. However, his wife (25 years old) remains in the hospital and may have to have her leg amputated.

They don’t come from much and lost most EVERYTHING in the accident. They can’t go home because they do not want to leave Mom. Car seats are already up for donation. I am not sure if it is proper to ask, but I was wondering if anyone has some gently used clothing, DVD’s, toy’s, etc..for the kids. Halloween costumes are also needed along with socks, jackets, blankets, whatever can be spared.

1-year old boy:
Shoe Size 7
Clothing 2T
Diaper Size 4

2-year old boy:
Shoe Size 9
Clothing 4T
Diaper Size 5

4-year old girl:
Shoe Size 1
Clothing Size 6

As I re-read this for editing, I realize that this family did not lose everything. They all survived. Let's help make their journey to recovery an easier one.

Thank you, in advance, for making me proud to have amazing friends like you.

Jenny

Mundane Monday ~ Letting Go

2010-10-25T13:31:00.015-04:00

I am sitting here at work. It's not very busy so I hopped on here to punch out a quickie on Letting Go.

Most of you know, I tend to hold on to things that are not very good for me a wee bit too long. Good news is that by doing so, and by being in recovery, I have the tools and willingness to be honest with myself as to why.

However, it is awesome to see that the negative things I allow in my life that don't serve my best interest can turn into the exact lessons that are needed for me to grow and eventually move on to better things. The trick is being honest and willing to see my part.

Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. And like it or not, this is God's world that we're living in; just take a look around.

When I'm in a process of change, growth or just plain self pity, I seek inspiration and guidance from many sources. Happy to say that alcohol is no longer one of them. My friends, my books, specific writers and my God give me the nudges of wisdom my stubborn heart needs to be able to grasp on to hope just a little bit tighter. I am blessed to have such a wealth of sources to turn to when I need it.

Below are some quotes I pulled from http://www.great-inspirational-quotes.com/letting-go-quotes.html that inspire me to consider moving on. (Notice that I don't commit to taking any action...yea, that's how I roll.) Trusting in myself takes more time than is necessary but it always comes, always.

My Mom loves to say that I always land on my feet *meow*

LETTING GO QUOTES

Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.
-- Raymond Lindquist

Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.
-- Author Unknown

Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head.
-- Ann Landers

Inner peace can be reached only when we practice forgiveness. Forgiveness is letting go of the past, and is therefore the means for correcting our misperceptions.
-- Gerald Jampolsky

Let go. Why do you cling to pain? There is nothing you can do about the wrongs of yesterday. It is not yours to judge. Why hold on to the very thing which keeps you from hope and love?
-- Leo Buscaglia

Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.
-- Anonymous

Loving someone is setting them free, letting them go.
-- Kate Winslet

People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.
-- Thich Nhat Hanh

Some think it's holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it's letting go.
-- Sylvia Robinson

Think about any attachments that are depleting your emotional reserves. Consider letting them go.
-- Oprah Winfrey

Truly loving another means letting go of all expectations. It means full acceptance, even celebration of another's personhood.
-- Karen Casey

There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.
-- Author Unknown

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.
-- Joseph Campbell

I cling to fear and won't let go because I am not trusting God to meet my needs. ~Jenny Defx

He's Just Not That Into You

2010-10-07T16:47:00.030-04:00

Ok, so I haven't had a boyfriend in over 3 years and the last boyfriend wasn't even a boyfriend; more the married guy back East that just wanted a little hussy on the side when he got bored at home. I gladly signed up for the job.

Well, I'm proud to say that's not me anymore. HOWEVER, I still flounder when it comes to relationships. I almost hesitated to use that word but it's the lesser of evils so throughout this post, I will refer to my experiences with men (again, this term is used loosely) as relationships.

Since moving to Las Vegas, it's a rare occurence when a man (ahem) looks my way. I like that think it's because of all the hot strippers walking around the suburban streets instead of my not-so-stunning good looks. Regardless, it's not easy being single in Sin City.

I've met some great guy friends that mean a great deal to me. One of my fav's might even be reading this (Hi Gregz!!) and he was as close as I got to a relationship. He and I kissed once and that about freaked me out so bad that it didn't take long for me to run him off. He's still a great friend (and a great kisser, ladies) and for that I am very grateful.

So, back to me...

Recently I've had the wonderful opportunity to realize just why I shouldn't be dating. And it's not because it's a bad example for my young and impressionable daughter. It's because he was 6'3", 240, tall, dark and handsome. Basically, way out of my league and he must have seen me coming from a mile away.

I will spare you good people any more details and just keep it short. It took less than 3 weeks to figure out this guy just was not that into me. Hey, that's a good thing. It usually takes me 3 months and once it took me well over 3 years to figure that out.

I got to experience all the craziness it took to simply try to communicate with this guy and how he and I were both so damaged from our past relationships, that we weren't capable of being what we needed to be for each other. We just couldn't find our way around the fear, defensiveness and vunerability it would take to relax and move forward in a healthy manner. It's all a lesson to be learned, sad but true.

Don't get me wrong, the kid was an asshole. No doubt about it. But name calling is just not that nice so here's what I'm gonna do. I'm going to dedicate the rest of this blog to one of my favorite books and call it a day.

Quotes from He's Just Not That Into You
by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo
snipped from http://www.holliesquotes.com

"Cut your losses and don't waste your time. Why stay in some weird dating limbo when you can move on to what will surely be better territory? Don't want to hear it? Fine. Here's the answer you're looking for, "Hang in there, baby. He's not the loser everybody's telling you he is. If you wait and keep your mouth shut and call at exactly the right time and anticipate his moods and have no expectations about communication or your own sexual needs, you can have him!" But please don't be surprised if he dumps you or continues to drag you through a completely unsatisfying relationship."

"He is a man made up entirely of your excuses. And the minute you stop making excuses for him, he will completely disappear from your life."

"Men, for the most part, like to pursue women. We (men) like not knowing if we can catch you. We feel rewarded when we do."

"Don't let the "honeys" and the "babys" fool you. His sweet nothings are exactly that. They are much easier to say than "I'm just not that into you." Remember, actions speak louder than, "There's no cell reception where I am right now."

"Calling when you say you're going to call is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can't lay this one stupid brick down, you ain't never gonna have a house, baby. And it's cold outside."

"He will always be able to play the "friend" card on you. He only has to be responsible for the expectations of a friend, rather than the the far greater expectations of a boyfriend. He's got the ultimate situation: a great friend with all the benefits of a girlfriend, whom he can see or not see whenever he wants to. He may be one of your closest friends, but I'm sorry to say ... as a boyfriend, he's just not that into you."

"Beware of the word "friend". It can often be used by men or the women that love them to excuse the most unfriendly behavior. Personally, when I'm picking friends, I like the ones who don't make me cry myself to sleep."

"I don't want to be "sort of dating" someone. I don't want to be "kinda hanging out" with someone. I don't want to spend a lot of energy suppressing my feelings so I appear uninvolved. I want to be involved. I want to be sleeping with someone I know I'll see again because they've already demonstarted to me that they're trustworthy and honorable -- and into me."

"You can't blame a guy for having feelings. You love someone, you break up, you still have feeling. Thank God for that really. But having feelings don't mean you have to have sex."

"Every man you have ever dated who has said he doesn't want to get married or doesn't believe in marriage, or has "issues" with marriage, will ... rest assured ... someday be married. It just will never be with you."

"Everyone wants to be loved and needed, particularly by the person who just broke up with us. I understand. What could be better than hearing from the man who just told you he didn't want you in his life anymore ... his sad, wistful, "I miss you so much" voice on the other end of the phone? It's validating. It's exciting. It's irresistible. But resist you must."

"A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves. If he's not calling you to tell you he loves you and wants you back, it should only be because he's showing up at your new residence to do it in person ... if he's not doing any of that, he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he's just not that into you. Stop taking his calls and let him know what it's like to live without you."

"Don't be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You're deeply missable. However, he's still the same person who just broke up with you. Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he's choosing, every day, not to be with you."

"It's very tempting when you really want to be with someone to settle for much, much less -- even a vague pathetic facsimile of less -- than you would have ever imagined. Remember always what you set out to get and please don't settle for less. These guys exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to."

"Hey girl. Put down the penis, put your clothes back on, and go directly to your best friend's house. Do not find an excuse to stay. Do not think that because of all the crazy hotness of it all, it now means that you're meant to be together. Yes, break up sex does seem like a good idea, because hey, it's nice to have sex with someone you have these dramatic feelings about. It makes it all, well, dramatic. But now you know. It confuses everything and makes you separate sex and emotions. So now you don't ever have to make that mistake again. Got it? He's into the very-bad-idea-that-masquerades-as-a-good-idea, breakup sex. Over and out."

"Don't underestimate the power of sex, even with someone you've been doing it with for a very long time. Especially with someone you've been doing it with for a very long time. Breaking up means not seeing them again, which also implies not seeing them naked again. It might be tempting to forget this pearl of wisdom, but just remember, it's still called breakup sex. No one has yet to rename it oh-my-god-the-sex-was-so-good-we-got-back-together-again-and-lived-happily-ever-after sex."

"He's sniffing for something better, and when he doesn't find it, he gets lonely and comes "home." It's not that he's so into you. It's that he's so not into being alone. Don't give him the chance to break up with you for the fourth time. (Even the idea of it sounds beneath you, doesn't it?) Reset your breakup maximum to one and move on."

"Deciding to get back together with someone is a complicated and difficult decision. Just remember that the person you are getting back together with is the same person who, not long before, looked you in your beautiful face, took full stock of you and all your qualities, and told you that he was no longer in need of your company."

"Don't confuse being classy with being a doormat. Classy is walking away with your head held high, graciously, and with all dignity. Being a doormat is offering to drive him to the dentist for his root canal."

"Breakups, I've heard, are supposed to be just that. Breaks. Hard, clean breaks. No talking, no seeing, no touching ... keep your hands to yourself. The relationship is over. Half the people I know move after a huge breakup, and frankly that makes perfect sense to me. You're not supposed to sleep with the guy who just broke your heart a week ago. Fine. Next time I'm in this situation I'll cry. Stay in bed and wail. Go to the gym if I can. Call all my friends and burden them with my misery. Sleep too much. Cry some more. See my therapist more often. Get a puppy. Do whatever I have to so eventually I can move on."

"Breakup sex still means you're broken up."

"Cut him off. Let him miss you."

"He doesn't need to be reminded that you're great."

"There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend."

"The reason it's so painful when someone disappears is you have to face the fact that the person you loved had probably left you a long time before he grabbed his coat and scrammed. The hard part is realizing that he was lying to you, in some way, before the moment of vanishing."

"Don't give him the chance to reject you again."

"No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing."

"Being lonely ... being alone ... for many people ... sucks. I get it, I get it, I get it. But still I have to say that yes, my belief is that being with somebody who makes you feel shitty or doesn't honor the person you are is worse."

"Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with."

"You deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time."

The End of Crush

2010-09-14T00:44:00.005-04:00

I sold my beloved truck tonight. My friend's husband said I got a good deal. I know I couldn't have done any of it without his help. Thank you John.

When I turned to walk away from my Crush (aka, 1998 Toyota Tacoma), I started to cry. I went inside, straight to Jenniflower and let some tears go. Bittersweet tears. Tears that I actually had money in my purse from that old rust bucket. Tears that it was gone, forever, out of my life. Weird you say? Read on...

I purchased Crush back in March 2007. A triumphant year "in my dis-ease" of alcoholism. I was seeing a married man who owned the most fun Toyota 4x4 I had ever driven. I've always wanted a truck. I borrowed his constantly, when we weren't too busy sneaking around, hiding from his wife and kids. (I don't have to do that anymore).

So on a week long bender, I went out and test drove my very own. It wasn't the one I had my eye on but I couldn't afford THAT one. So I settled for a 10-year old beat up, dark green Tacoma. They only charged me $1,000 for every year since it was built. So generous of them!

I drove off the lot, proud of my accomplishment of turning in my perfectly safe 4-door Saturn, acquiring more debt than I could afford and of course, having a cool truck like my married boyfriend. I had visions of us four-wheeling together off into the sunset. (I don't have visions like that anymore).

My then 2 1/2 year old and I named my newly found treasure "Crush" after the cool Daddy turtle in Finding Nemo. Crush took me all over western North Carolina those first few months. I even brought home a border collie puppy to run around in the bed of the truck as we road around town. Roxi never did like being back there.

Crush took Riley, Roxi, my two kitties Cuervo and Blu and yours truly across the country in July of 2007. I had found a bright red camper shell to fit on top of the dark green bed, sold all my items on the side of the road for gas and high tailed it outta there. I had done enough damage in WNC and it was time for a fresh start.

Crush made it without a hitch. The animals made it without on accident. Riley made it even though her car seat was never installed properly in the back of the xtra cab. And, of course, I made it just fine though I had been drinking Diet Coke with my vodka all the way across this great nation. (Can I get arrested for admitting this now?)

Las Vegas, Nevada seemed like a great place to stop. I was done driving and ready to start my life anew. I sold the camper shell and settled down into what would be worst 8 months of my life.

Whenever I would "wake up" from my fog long enough to realize I was now a single mom raising a child IN VEGAS, I would just reach for another bottle to drown that reality, night after night.

I could go on but this is about Crush, not my insanity - though the two were tightly connected. One gave birth to the other.

I guess that's why selling Crush is so sad. It's showing me that I'm growing up. I've been sober for 2 years, 5 months now and it's starting to reflect in how well my life if going and the countless blessings I am given on a daily basis.

My Crush has been replaced with my mom's 2003 Toyota Camry. She splurged on a new car for herself (go Mom!) and handed me the keys to her "Sparky". Riley doesn't have to sit in the front seat anymore. Thank you Mom.

The tears I shed were few but they symbolized that I am getting well. I can drive and take care of my new "safe Mommy car" with gratitude. I still feel like a fish out of water driving Sparky but something's take longer to get over.

I will miss you Crush but your new owners are going to take great care of you.

Now it's time to travel down the road of happy destiny.

Until we meet again...

THE END

Where Am I Wednesday...

2010-09-01T19:31:00.004-04:00

The Cold Hard, Cream Filled Truth....

2010-08-27T11:46:00.028-04:00

Ok, so it's been a while since I've blogged. I've had a few friends say something about how much they miss reading my ramblings. I've tried to force myself to write about something and just couldn't. The inspiration had left me, until now.

Please read the heartbreaking truth about the Twinkie...

I was cruising through MSN's top news stories, hard at work trying to look busy, and what catches my eye? "What's in a Twinkie? 37 Ingredients" that's what. So the age-old mystery has been solved? Cool!

We can all guess the basics that reside in our beloved childhood snack cake - high fructose syrup, water, sugar, some ingredients that we can't pronounce, yada yada.

Now let me introduce you to "Ingredient #12": Animal Shortening.

WHAT?! Really??? Any ingredient that gives reference to anything "animal" in a snack CAKE has me doing a double take.

So upon further investigation, my fears where confirmed.

Snipped right from another horrified bloggers website (http://ourfriendben.wordpress.com/2010/06/18/animal-shortening-say-it-aint-so/),..."Animal shortening?!! Good God have mercy, what kind of euphemism will they think of next?!! Rushing to Google, I found that indeed, “animal shortening” was defined as lard, beef drippings, or rendered suet. Now, I don’t know about you, but when I was growing up, the whole point of shortening was that it wasn’t lard. Either you used lard, or you used shortening (in our house, Crisco), which was made from vegetable oil."

I recall not to long ago I participated in a group orgy of deep fried Twinkies and Oreos at the Fremont Street Experience. (For a second there I had you thinking dirty, didn't I?!) hee hee Well so much for that fond memory.

As most of you know, I made the personal and oh so gratifying switch to vegetarianism last December. It's been a good streak so far in which I was very proud of myself for. But now, with this gut wrentching news at my disposal, my committment to "doing my part for animals" will be taking on a whole new level. Damn you MSN!

So bye-bye Twinkies. Bye-bye Ding Dongs (yep, just Google that too). Toodles cheesecake. Thank goodness there's no "animal shortening" in Coca Cola.

Kicking ASS this September!!

2010-07-30T14:11:00.014-04:00

This post is dedicated to the memory of 14-year old Alex Smythe who died January 21st of this year.

Written January 21, 2010 approximately 6:00pm:

"I would like to start this, my last post, by thanking each and every single one of you for wishing me, and my mom well. Also for providing us not only with love and support but also for the food and goodies we enjoy.

As many of you know I was diagnosed with Leukemia AML type 2, and since November 15, 2009 I have been a resident of Summerlin Hospital, fighting this disease with your help love and support.

As I finished round one of chemo with some problems, because when I was admited, I was already sick. When it was over, I was allowed to spend my birthday holiday, and New Years at home, with my Mom. I look forward to going back for round 2 much stronger than before, and with a more positive attitude.

Round 2 started, and things were so good. I was eating everything under the sun, and more, even on the days of my chemo. I look forward to my second trip home, after I kicked the effects of the meds out of my body. On tuesday, things were kind of normal, but in the afternoon, when they were giving me calcium, I felt woozy, and weird, and that night it felt like the chemo effects were starting.

In the morning my mom called Aaron to keep me company, like we have in the past, but I was out of it because of the meds. I cannot recall the time that he got there. I started feeling this abdominal pain, and asked for some morphine, and even that didn't stop the pain. It was something that persisted through the day, and when my Mom got back, we asked the nurses for more medicine, but the pain was too much. Later that night, I tried to get up, but my legs couldnt support me, but I was in my mothers arms. When she called for help, there were nurses rushing in, calling for doctors who worked so hard, while crying, trying to save me.

At 2:07 AM, I took my last breath, with the help of these amazing nurses, and doctors, while holding my mom's hand, and I said my goodbyes, while sending all the love anyone could give to my mother.

I would like to thank you mom, first of all for giving me life, and believing in me through everything.

I love you mom, and I need you to believe in you Like you believed in me, and now I need you to be strong, and fight, like you fought for me.

PEACE OUT!!!

PS: I know you guys want to help, and the best way is to reach Aaron with questions, concerns, or donations at: xlpinell@yahoo.com. I need you to understand that right now is a tough time for all of us. Thank you again."

Ok, I'll wait until you blow your nose and wipe your tears...Go ahead, take your time - I needed quite a few minutes myself....

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Ok...now, ready to take some action? Read Heidi's message below welcoming EVERYONE to join Team Alex! Her goal is 200 members for the September 11th walk/run. Plenty of time to mark your calendars for a great time and a great cause!

"Two years ago, Alex and I ran the 5K for the Candlelighters and we had a blast! We were very impressed with the entire event. Alex loved the hot breakfast afterwards as well as all of the fun events (he came home with multi-colored spray painted hair and a huge smile).

I could have never imagined that this year I would be heading up a team in his memory. Alex always said I talked too much and now I am his voice and I will use it to get the word out to as many people as I can about this wonderful organization.

This event consists of a one mile walk, a 5K walk and a 5K race. Afterwards there will be a wonderful hot breakfast as well as activities for the entire family. Strollers and pets (on a leash) are welcome!

If you are unable to participate in the event, then please donate, in honor of Alex. Everyone who donates will receive a Team Alex bracelet. .
Those who come out and join us will also receive a Team Alex t-shirt.

We need your help in order to support the many programs and services that Candlelighters provides to hundreds of families on a day to day basis.

To join in the event, click the link below, click on Register here, click on Join a team, from the drop down box find Team Alex.

If you only wish to donate, still click on register here from the Candlelighters site but then click on Sponsor participant and put in my name, Heidi Smythe (aka Alex's mom).

http://www.candlelightersnv.org

Again, thank you to everyone for their continued support!"

Looking Up Humility

2010-07-19T09:24:00.010-04:00

I've been experiencing a genuine lack of Humility in my life, especially lately. I can feel the negative change in my daily activities, interactions with others and my irritability level. I know this will lead me back to drinking if I don't get a grip.

This morning I received an amazing email from a friend about Humility. The subject is one that I still cannot really wrap my head around. Upon reading the email, I thought to reach out and ask others what their take on Humility was and to ask for some feedback.

That launched me into a desire to go deeper. I look at google images on Humility, to read various blogs about Humility, wanted to blog about it, to study it, to submerge myself in it.

I don't want to lose what I have found in my sobriety but if I'm going to be honest with myself, I know it's just a matter of time before I do, if I continue this selfish, self-centered way of living.

This post will be the first of a series on Humility. My thoughts, ideas, concepts, and such are not based on knowing Humility, they will be based on seeking it. I need more of this in my life and this is my "out loud" study on the topic.

As I've been taught, any adventure I start should begin with a Prayer to help me stay out of me and stay right sized...

The Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi
Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.
That where there is hatred,
I may bring love.
That where there is wrong,
I may bring the spirit of forgiveness.
That where there is discord,
I may bring harmony.
That where there is error,
I may bring truth.
That where there is doubt,
I may bring faith.
That where there is despair,
I may bring hope.
That where there are shadows,
I may bring light.
That where there is sadness,
I may bring joy.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort,
than to be comforted.
To understand,
than to be understood.
To love,
than to be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.
Amen.

For those of us in recovery, this Prayer is known as the 11th Step Prayer. It's amazing, as you can see. The few times I have read it, it speaks to me in specifics with ways I can better myself, thus gaining more of an understanding of Humility and what it is like to acutally live in it.

The following is a snipette from my friend's email on Humility. Some personal messages were deleted - my apologies if the flow is choppy.

"SO – to me – in short, Humility is to get yourself down to right size. Not to be better than or less than – but understanding that you are “equal” too all. Being Humble means to continuously take an inventory of yourself daily and acknowledge and accept your character defects when they arise so that you can remain teachable in asking God a saner and more desirable way for you to handle an unmanageable situation. You strive to be continuously teachable seeking God’s Will for you and not your own. ...we have to practice on a daily basis letting them go in order for us to have Humility and obtain serenity and peace. I like the saying - "Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less. "Ism" = Insecure, Selfish Me. "Ism" = I, Self, Me (The Ism is what holds us hostage...). In doing this – we allow ourselves to realize it is NOT all about us and we are able to practice, love, tolerance, patience, and Humility – when we react with our character defects (insecurity, self-centerdness, pride, etc.) we loose the ability to be teachable, acquire Humility and be of service to others. ...we have to get out of ourselves and our old way of thinking or it will kill us. I know that I LOVE to think about me, me, me – I annoy ME all the time – so I have to do this on a daily basis as well (at least try too to the best of my ability). When I am feeling unstable or in fear – I am obviously lacking any kind of faith in my higher power, so Humility is unreachable for me. ...pause when agitated or doubtful and ask God for the right decision or action (you know the drill, act – don’t react)."

I have been blessed in my 3 years in the city to have met some great people and to actually be even more blessed by some of their friendships. Recently, I had to opportunity to spend part of my day with a particular person that showed me exactly what it was like to be completely self-centered and a bit arrogant. Traits I am all too familiar with. It made me not want to be near this person much longer. You see, I already live with me 24/7 and cannot escape so being stuck around another just like me, no thank you. It only took 24 hours to see the lesson in my encounter with this person.

Within the same day, I came across an individual that was entirely "different". This person ooozed peace, calm, love, kindness, serenity, Humility. I found myself scooting over closer to her in the hopes of obtaining some of this by having a close proximity to her. Nope, not gonna happen that way.

This person spoke without of sense of entitlement, without a sense of "being smarter than" or "having being right". She spoke from the heart, out of genuine love, hope and concern for others. I knew right away that she possessed what I wanted. I was instantly thankful that I had a few moments with her, to SEE what Humility was like in action.

I'm going to stop here and get ready for my day. As I study more on Humility, I will share what that "Something Within" places in my path next.

Blessings to your day...

Quit Your Whining

2010-07-12T21:53:00.009-04:00

Every morning, I take my dog out to the football fields behind my apartment around 5:00AM so she can run, sniff and play while I read my daily inspirations. Today's hit like a brick and I had to share.

"If you have time to whine and complain about something, then you have the time to do something about it." -Anthony J. D'Angelo

I don't know who this Anthony guy is but if I really wanted to, I'd look him up. I don't need to - I got what I needed from him with this one sentence.

My life has been awesome these last two years. Amazing what happens when you sober up. Lately, I've been reminded of a long lost dream of mine that I thought I had put away for good that last time I started pursuing it and failed miserably. It's not a coincidence that failing and being a drunk go together like fried bologna and mayo. Wow, it's hard to be a vegetarian sometimes. But I digress...

I've only told a few close friend about this but here it goes...I want to be a nurse. I want to go back to school, challenge myself again, get into Nursing school and make a difference in my life. I want to help another one of God's kids. Lord knows I've had enough surgeries and experience with hospitals to know a little bit about how it feels to interact with both great nurses and nurses that should not be allowed near sick people. It would be a great service to use that personal knowledge and use it for someone else's comfort.

God has better plans for me but I needed this job to teach me lessons about patience, personal growth, dealing with others, standing up for myself and most of all, believing in myself. When I leave this job, I will be taking so much more with me than when I came in.

So, the quote above told me that I could do one of two things with my future. Keep whining and being a victim about it or make a change and do something about it.

Stay tuned for what's in store. Things just got interesting...

Listen Up Kids!

2010-07-12T21:41:00.006-04:00

The following post was written by my good friend Leslee back in June. It moved me so much as a mother that I asked if I could post it on my blog.

A friend has invited me to help her write an article for a local publication. The theme is nurturing your children’s spiritual life. We talked last night about choosing three points to make that would be most valuable in the lives of our kids. The first thing that popped into my head is the importance of intuition and listening to yourself.

I have a terrible, terrible memory so it may be that I just don’t remember BUT I don’t think I was ever told to listen to myself and the feelings that rise from within me. I knew to listen to my teachers, my parents, other adults in my life, and even my friends. It never occurred to me to listen to ME. In fact, I’d say I was often even afraid to listen to myself. When I knew the answers to questions in class I was terrified to raise my hand and respond for fear I’d be wrong and look stupid. I remember times when I went with the pack and joined in on not so nice behavior b/c following others was easier than not. I’m sure there was a little voice or a tug at my heart reminding me to do no harm, but I ignored that voice until the deed was done. Then I had to deal with the consequences of either getting in trouble, losing a friend, or feeling guilty.

I believe that teaching our children to stay connected and listen to the voice within is vital to their emotional health. I caught a few seconds of an Oprah episode yesterday. It was long enough to hear Oprah speak to this idea. The show topic must have been sexual abuse. She said that our kids need to pay attention to those “this doesn’t seem right” feelings and speak up when they have them. Too many kids stay silent when they are being hurt because somewhere along the line they’ve learned that they should listen to everyone else but themselves. We are wired with this protective instinct for a reason. We know when something isn’t right. Instead of listening to the outside pressure, whether from peers or “trusted” adults, our kids ought to be encouraged to listen to the quiet inner voice or feeling that is saying no, no, no.

So if I had any parenting advice for myself and others I would say to teach our children that they have an inner compass and how best to use it.

Leslee Horner's blog can be found here>> http://lesleehorner.wordpress.com/

For Bette

2010-07-09T06:00:00.001-04:00

I originally posted this on 5/13/10 but I feel the need to share it again, for Bette.

This song has beautiful lyrics. Each time I hear it, I think of Bette, a lady I know that has suffered amazing pain, fear and uncertainty this year. I smile when I think of her because she has Faith and I know her rewards are going to be great. Her strength continue to amaze me and many, many others. Her God is Great.

JOSH WILSON ~ Before the Morning

Do you wonder why you have to
Feel the things that hurt you
If there’s a God who loves you where is He now

Maybe there are things you can’t see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending

Someday somehow you’ll see you’ll see

Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming
So hold on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

My friend you know how this all ends
You know where you’re going
You just don’t know how you’ll get there
So say a prayer

And hold on cause there’s good for those who love God
But life is not a snapshot
It might take a little time but you’ll see the bigger picture

Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory

It’s just the hurt before the healing
Oh the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning
(credits to onlylyrics.com)

When "I'm Sorry" Is Not Enough

2010-07-07T12:11:00.003-04:00

There are some wrongs that can never be made right. Some things from the past can never be made good again. No amount of “I’m sorry’s” or “Please forgive me’s” will make a bit of difference. They almost seem to make everything worse.

When the hateful words have been said, when the trust has been broken, there might not ever be a way of making it better. Some people just don’t care about you anymore. Some people write you out of their lives and gladly never look back. Some simply choose not to forgive, not wanting to let the person “off the hook”. And some just don’t have to capacity to let go of the pain.

Whatever the reason, it doesn’t matter. People have the right to hold on to the hurt as long as they choose. Most of us have done some terrible things and forgiveness is just not an option for those we’ve hurt.

When we, as the “wrongdoers” are not granted restitution for our mistakes, we have to accept this. If we’ve been honest with our part in the errors we’ve made, asked humbly for forgiveness and offered to do whatever we can to make it better, we’ve done all we can do. If our loved one cannot or will not accept our request, we can go no further. We’re drunks, not Superheroes.

The pain of not being forgiven cuts deep, sometimes much deeper than the original reason such forgiveness is sought. Maybe that’s the motive for our loved ones not to forgive us. Maybe they want us to hurt for as long as possible. They want to dig in the spurs for the rest of our lives to get back at us for the mess we’ve put them through. Maybe the love and trust is gone forever and the relationship is damaged beyond repair. This continued pain for past wrongs hurts just as it is intended to. It's our turn to see how it feels.

In recovery, we grow hearts; we feel everything. We no longer run from the pain or numb our spirits from consequences. But we also grow backbones. We no longer crawl before anyone, even those we love dearly that we so desperately want to mend fences with but will not allow it.

When the wreckage from our past stares us in the face and no restitution is granted, it’s over. There’s absolutely nothing more we can do. Going back and re-writing the past is impossible.

Our responsibility now is to ourselves and our fellows. We put one foot in front of the other, hold our head high with the knowledge we would never do those things again, and be the best person to ourselves and to others that we can, for one day at a time.

Lack of forgiveness does not mean defeat. It is not an excuse to wallow in more self pity. It is a chance to humble ourselves to the fact that we have been hurtful beings and to own our part of that. Then all we can do is move forward, learn from it and let go.

Prescription from Dr. "What's Important, M.D." for "All of Us"

2010-07-01T19:43:00.003-04:00

• Your health is up to you, as is the life you live. Creating better health creates a better life.
• Love your lover. Hug your children. Be a good friend. Care about others and let them care about you. Apologize. Laugh a lot. Have fun.
• Make soup for a sick friend. Don’t save your special things – use them every day.
• Forgive. Time heals. Make peace with your past.
• Regard your tone of voice. Choose your words wisely; you can never take them back.
• Stay in touch with people you care about.
• Treat others well.
• Give out at least one compliment every day.
• Simplify. Have a regular cleanup day.
• If you don’t like something, change it.
• Spend your money on experiences more than on things. The memories will last longer.
• Focus on what is working in your life and do more of it. You grow and thrive by what excites you – that is passion!
• Be compassionate.
• Quit complaining; it only makes you and everyone around you miserable.
• Don’t be afraid to learn new things. Be receptive to feedback; it will help you to grow.
• Leave 10 minutes early for everything, no matter where you are headed.
• Anger is impotent. Let it go.
• Confidence is rocket fuel for your life. Cultivate it by feeding your mind with positive thoughts and by ignoring the negative ones.
• What you think about yourself is more important that what others think. Say something good about yourself every day.
• Have humility.
• Embrace gratitude by giving thanks every day – no matter what happens. Lear from your bad experiences/
• Anticipate roadblocks. Life is full of doubts and fears.
• Dare to take risks. Everything happens for a reason, though you many never know what it is.
• Give more than you take.
• Listen more than you speak.
• Leave a legacy.
• When people tell you that you can’t, don’t listen. Anything is possible. Only YOU can do it.
• Repeat this daily. Live one-day-at-a-time.

Source: Las Vegas Business Press Volume 27, Issue 26 Column Writer Robin Jay, Business Coach

UPDATE: Livia to the Rescue!!

2010-07-01T08:42:00.010-04:00

Quick Update of Eva and Livia...

Livia is fitting in just great with the family, even the family Beagle.

On Twitter this morning, Amanda (Eva's mom) posted this:

@TeamEva Good news/bad news...Livia indeed does what she is trained for and saves Eva's life. :)

@TeamEva (@IHavDefx) Livia helped by letting me know that she stopped breathing and was blue-ish and started stimulating her. It was awesome!!

Now...how's that for amazing! If you were a part of helping bring Livia home, YOU made a difference today.

And for that, I love you.

Cool Shit from a Friend

2010-06-29T12:47:00.012-04:00

My friend Gregz sent me an email not too long ago. I printed it out and kept it in my wallet to promptly forget all about it.

This morning it fell out onto my lap. Hmmmm...

(Italics are the bloggers input, hee hee)

Realize it’s possible, instead of telling yourself why you can’t.
Become aware of your self-talk.
Would you talk to someone else the way you talk to yourself?
Squash negative thoughts like a bug.
Replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts.
Focus on what you have, not on what you don’t have.
Love what you have already.
Be grateful for your life and the people that have been placed there.
Embrace your gifts.
(yes…YOU have gifts!)
Don’t compare yourself to others.
Instead, be inspired by them.
Accept criticism with grace.
It’s an opportunity to grow.
But ignore the naysayers (aka the Assholes)
See “bad” things as a blessing in disguise. (I know, that's a toughie)
See failure as a stepping stone to success. (Another tough one)
Surround yourself by those who are positive.
Forget the ones that you don’t “fit in” with.
Complain less; smile more.

“A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.” ~ Herm Albright (love this guy!)

My Asset List (Revisited)

2010-06-29T06:00:00.001-04:00

In recovery, we come to find that some of us are sicker than others. I suffer from a debilitating lack of self esteem. So my awesome friend has strongly suggested that I create an "Asset List" with all my attributes/good qualities/assets listed out. She then told me to place that list on my mirror to read to myself every morning. If that isn't corny, I don't know what is but I am willing to do what it takes to become the girl GAAWD wants me to be.

I cheated a little by using some things others have said about me.

Thank you Jenniflower for the nudge ~

Soooo, here it goes:

I have beautiful blue eyes
I have a kind heart
I have a great sense of humor and a big, creative imagination
I am a caring, wonderful, sober mom
A considerate and caring daughter
I do a lot for kids with cancer
I am so inspirational ~Thank you Toby~
I am a good friend
I am a person who gives her time to help others so unselfishly
I would change the whole world if it would only let me
I have great compassion for others
I am friendly, thoughtful, and supportive
I love animals
I love to recycle
Somedays I'm just too adorable! (it had to be said!)
I have raised a shitload of $$ for children's cancer support programs
I love my family
I have people that love me, that REALLY love me today
My 5-year old daughter thinks I'm her Angel
I am a good listener, when I'm not interrupting
I help others with their problems
I am nice and kind to others
I am attentive and loving to my daughter
I am witty and funny (woot! woot!)
People are grateful that God let them meet me (whoa...)
I am pretty, charming and skinny (double whoa!) You crack me up MaggieBoo!
I have a huge heart
When I smile, my eyes light up with life and happiness
I'm goofy (a personal favorite)
I have a nice butt (Awww Greg, you shouldn't have)
I have a certain glow about me
I am a beautiful person, inside and out
I love my friends with all that I have
I have had a best friend for over 15 years and she LVOES me more than I could ever love myself. Thank you Robin
I am an awesome mom
I know the meaning of unconditional love (I owe this one to my parents)

I know how to admit when I am wrong and to apologize when it hurts ~Robin, your kindess and enduring friendship is timeless. Thank you for loving me all these years, even during the ugly ones.
I love helping others
I cry for others when they are unable to cry for themselves
I know what it means to be a true friend and to have true friends
I am (willingly) learning from my mistakes
I am a good example for my daughter
I know that it is never too late to have/make a fresh start
I am spontaneous (and I like mud)
I like to make a difference
I am a kind and giving person who cares for my little girl
I suit up, show up and grow
Amanda Jean thinks I'm a great mom
I am thoughtful, gracious, a good friend, supportive and a great workout partner

Stacey says "I am so glad to have u as a sis, INSPIRATIONAL!!! U r one of a kind!

I am a Wonderful, Beautiful Woman with a Heart of Gold and a fantastic mother.

Jells said "I am an awesome and amazing person. Though she hasn't met me face to face, I am one of the few among Twitter that she finds to be inspirational and that she considers a real friend. She thanked me for being "me" and that I tweeted into her life."

I am infectious when I am as happy as I have been ;0)
I'm a keeper (I love u Flower)

Kimberlee Bourdon>> I like your bravery & your constant drive to do good. You have talent and you use it for good instead of evil. You're always there with a helping hand, a positive attitude, a plan, and a smile. I like that the most about you. I so want to be you when I grow up! ♥

Jenniflower added>>> "...you write and express yourself beautifully you know - another thing to put on that asset list of yours. I LOVE YOU!"

Robi added>>> "...along with your photography...also an asset...oooh, and your choice of wonderful friends!"

Rachel said I have a huge, huge heart.
I am NOT middle aged afterall :)

These next few comments come from my two favorite people and are really, really hard to accept but here they are:

Jenniflower once said (at a meeting!) that I inspire her to want to be a better person.

My Bestie in NC, Robi, said she wants to be more like me.
I am sooo amazing!
I bring more into the lives of others than I could ever imagine.
I inspire others
I make my bestie proud (after all that I've done to her and her family)
Robi's admiration of me grows everyday.

(first posting 4-6-2010)

Manic Monday

2010-06-28T19:23:00.001-04:00

Lack of Humility

2010-06-28T08:10:00.004-04:00

I have always struggled with the concept of humility. Once, someone I was working for told me I needed more humility in my life...I had to look the word up in the dictionary.

At 2 years sobriety, I have found myself still "trying to get" humility in my life. I have successfully stayed sober since March 31, 2008 without it. It's catching up to me.

In my recovery, humility is one of the essential ingredients in building a long-lasting, firm foundation. There are times when I wake up to the fact that my recovery is more build on shifting sand than anything concrete.

Situations in my life today have paralyzed me. So much so, that I'm depressed again. It's been awhile since I've been this down for this length of time. It's not comfortable, not at all. It once was a normal method of survival for me, now it's a nuisance.

My sobriety hangs in the balance. If I don't talk about this, get this out, turn it over, I'll be living on borrowed time. That sounds so melodramatic but without sobriety, it's not living I will be doing, it would be existing and it wouldn't be pretty.

I need to get back to gratitude. Find my God again. Get back to basics. Admit I am not equipped to make decisions on my own yet. Damn, you would think I was a pre-teen writing this stuff but I'm a middle aged, single mother that is waaaaay behind on growing up.

I need God to take this from me. Take the fear and pain associated with the job away. Take the searching for a new home for my family away. Take having to find a place to take my beloved Roxi away. Take it all God. I can't handle it. My life is unmanageable.

Take everything away but leave my sobriety. Help me today make it through this next 24 hours sober. I cannot focus on anything more. I have stumbled and need help getting up. Or maybe I should just stay here, on my knees and seek.

If I don't find a way to humble myself and turn it over, I will keep holding on to everything with clenched fists only to find that I will lose it all. Then I will be left truly empty.

For The Little Things You Do (Roxi's post)

2010-06-26T09:44:00.001-04:00

I post this with a very heavy heart. I'd like to introduce you to my four-legged doggy daughter Roxi. She's been with us since 2007, when I found her in a Murphy, NC shelter, shaking like a leaf. She was 4 months old.

We've been in Vegas for 3 years now and my circumstances have not changed as I had hoped. I love my sobriety and am accepting my new life here but it's taking it's toll on Roxi.

She's kenneled sometimes for over 8 hours a day. She lives in a two-bedroom apartment with no room to run. She has two cats for friends but they can't stand her. Cats, geesh.

She's the most loving dog I've met, always wanting to give a kiss or three before I take off my work shoes. Every year I go through this and it's time to see if it can happen for Roxi.

I'm looking into relinguishing Roxi to another home. A home where she can run, play, dig, chase, be free. A home out in the country, where she can run on grass, not cement. A home who's mom and dad love the outdoors and can enjoy their hikes with Roxi. Maybe a home with other doggy siblings to hang with. A home that I cannot provide for her.

Please read about Roxi and share with your friends. Maybe, just maybe I can find her the home she really needs.

I love that you were the only one shaking nervously in the farthest corner of the kennel, trying to hide from the world while your brothers and sisters were jumping all over me yelping "Pick me, pick ME!"

I love that when I said "That one, in the corner..." you gave the kennel manager a run for his dirty money.

When I held you for the first time, you stopped shaking.

When we went home that very same day, we both looked at each other as if to say "Oh shit, what do we do now?" And then you squatted and proceeded to do just that all over the front porch.

Your "bent" right ear that droops forward.

How you used to "escape" from your teether and run to the neighbor's garden to dig up their veggies.

Even when you found your sneaky way into my garden, I knew I couldn't stay mad long.

I loved watching you dig for worms in the stream that ran through our front yard.

How you'd bark to high heaven at the lawn mower.

When we moved, you never let up on that "How could you be doing this?" look.

When you would go hungry so I could feed my habit, you never left my side.

You put up with hours in your kennel while I went to work, trying to forget the feel of cool grass on your back and mud in between your paws.

In my darkest hour, you loved me when I couldn't love you back.

Your forgiving, unconditional heart.

You jump up and have to, HAVE TO get in a "kiss" on my chin each and every time I come home.

When I'm having private time on the potty, it doesn't bother you one bit to barge right in.

How you get excited every morning to take our walks to the football fields.

The way you hunt for lizards.

How you scramble over the red rocks on our hikes.

How you nozzle my hand when it's not doing anything on my lap when it could be rubbing behind your ears.

When you act all tough around the smaller doggies and about pee yourself when the big ones arrive at the doggie park.

You're never far.

How you bark at the bad people.

When you run, full speed - you take my breath away.

Your insatiable desire to be loved.

Putting up with my "health food experiments".

Your smile.

How you love processed cheese.

Oh, and did I mention your forgiving, unconditional heart? Ok, good.

5 Simple Ways To Spread Positivity

2010-06-25T21:28:00.011-04:00

Clipped this right off an link sent to me from a friend that knows I love lemons, both adding them to my water and being one on occasion.

5 Simple Ways To Spread Positivity by Seth Simonds
My mother often said, “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade”. My father would quickly add, “then sell the lemonade at a fair price for a profit”. It sounded like a good way to live until I grew older and realized how many lemons there really are in the world.

Advancing technology has made it easier than ever to find life’s lemons. Newspapers, radio, TV, the internet, and close-to-real-time services like Twitter allow us to fill every waking moment with lemons.

So why is it that we often insist on spending the conversations we have with those around us on negative things? Why do we choose sour remarks and biting tones when we could stir in some positive remarks and make some smiles? Don’t we all have enough lemons to make our daily lemonade without seeking them out?

5 Simple Ways To Spread Positivity:
Practice Pleasantries – A non-grouchy “good morning” to coworkers or adding “I really appreciate it” to required “thank you’s” are good steps away from negativity.
Share Some Positivity – Find a good story each day and share it with at least three people. As you become known for being a source of good conversations and uplifting news, don’t be surprised if people flock to you!
Save the Lemon for Later – When something is bothering you, don’t obsess and let your concern spill over into your conversations. Instead, take a moment to write down your next move to improve and put it in a safe place. Come back to your “lemon” when you are able to commit your entire focus on promoting a solution.
Slow Down Your Response Time - In our jiffy pop society, it’s easy to get caught up in trying to respond immediately. There’s a reason “promptly” and “instantly” are defined separately in the dictionary. One implies the care while the other is only about speed. Making an effort to produce thoughtful responses even if it means simply breathing fully before speaking, will work wonders for the quality of your conversations. Eliminating the lemons will also help avoid tension caused by a thoughtless response.
Learn to Laugh With Others - A joke or situation doesn’t have to be enormously funny in order for you to take joy in it. Instead of shrugging off the next joke your friend tells or trying to top a story, laugh. You may soon find that your sense of humor has expanded to find a smile in things you would have frowned at previously.

Being aware of the lemon in your mouth is a constant project. It’s easy to slip into negative conversations. When you begin to taste the bitter citrus, you’ll know it’s time for some positivity!

WRITER'S BIOGRAPHY Seth Simonds
I'm an editor here at Stepcase Lifehack
www.lifeshack.org
I know the value of long walks, good books, joyful repartee, and a well-made martini. Say hello in the comments here, find me on my blog (www.sethsimonds.com) or hit me up for a follow on Twitter (www.twitter.com/sethsimonds).

This Too Shall Pass…But When?

2010-06-25T16:59:00.008-04:00

The dark cloud arrived some time ago and it is content staying right where it is. Today it got worse…I got jealous, not envious, but downright jealous of a friends good fortune. Then it hit me, how could I be a true friend if I was jealous? Real love is not jealous.

Bring on the rain. If I knew my mother would never read this, I’d say bring on the fucking rain. Being pissy and edgy gets on my nerves, thus leading to more pissiness and edginess. Endless cycle. Dog chasing its tail.

I know better than to stay in this place of self-pity and loathing. It’s not the falling down that makes us fail, it’s the staying there. Well, I’m here and apparently unpacking and getting comfy in my sick little world.

It’s my choice. It’s always been my choice to stay here or get over it. Before recovery, I was ignorant to that fact. Today, I have no excuse. If I choose to be here, then hey, right on…just don’t bring another down with me. The friends I have today know better too. It’s lonely feeling sorry for oneself.

Why am I so scared of giving myself a chance at a better life? Why do I see others moving forward, succeeding and wish it were me while I’m just sitting around doing not one damn thing? Do I even know how to be a friend?

F.E.A.R. = False Evidence Appearing Real. Face Everything and Recover. Fuck Everything and Run.

I can’t believe the thoughts of actually pulling all this down on my head have lingered this long. Can you imagine how it could be if I took that first drink?

Back to basics. Slow down. PAUSE.

So...I’m not perfect after all. Sobriety isn’t just a glorious walk in the park. It’s pretty awesome when I want to see it that way and it’s led me to some great blessings. What’s my problem?

Oh yea…I’m spiritually sick in many ways. I’m not recovered, not by a long shot.

Do the next right thing. One step at a time. Don’t drink, no matter what. Serenity Prayer.

God grant me the Serenity…to accept the things I cannot change.
Courage to change the things I can.
Wisdom to know the difference.

Amends. Humility. Silence. Prayer. Fellowship. Solution.

This Too Shall Pass…But When?

fade to black..........
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Livia's First Day Home

2010-06-24T08:57:00.010-04:00

Amanda and I texted for a while last night. Too funny how Livia is already establishing dominance over the family beagle...and the husband. Here's some clips from our conversation. (The video has been updated with some requested changes; check it out!)

Eva fell asleep on the way to meeting Livia. Notice the new leash, collar and cash!

6-24-10 6:30pm "I am home with Livia and other tired, hot kids...will take tones of pics later when my kids are normal. Found out Livia has prey drive...and wants to eat my other dog...lol."

"10 pound dog is giving Livia a run for her money. LMAO."

"Livia is a dominate female bitch...Perfect dog...lol."

"Hubby said Livia stinks because she put her nose on the table once over chicken and didn't sit when he said to. She knows German commands (but I didn't tell him that)."

"Interesting part is Livia has gone through the additional training where they can attack and jump 6ft walls! But Eva can put her hand in Livia's mouth and Livia kisses her."

"I took Livia to the store before we came home. They said she has ball drive. I let her pick out her toys. She picked out a tennis ball which was destroyed in three minutes."

Another post coming soon when Amanda gets a chance to send those pics!

Enjoy your day everyone!!

Jenny

Miracle?...No Problem ~ Livia is Coming Home!

2010-06-23T00:29:00.016-04:00

If you don't believe in miracles by now, too bad because you've just witnessed one.

It all started when last week, my Twitter friend Scott Sullivan from WI contacted me with a request. I think it was Thursday. He expressed a simple plea to pray for and possibly donate to help a little girl from Kaukauna, WI that needed to raise money for another guide dog. Her "Tessa" had died three weeks ago.

I contacted Amanda, Eva's mom. We went over some ideas and proceeded immediately in getting the word out on Twitter, Facebook, texting, email and calls.

We started out with nothing but crossed fingers and hope. We had to raise $5,000 in less than one month or they would send Livia, the German Shepherd waiting for Eva, to another family.

Amanda never, EVER gave up hope. I wasn't so sure. With her confidence, passion and desire to make this happen for her youngest daughter, today Team Eva reached their goal.

The Team Eva Cause on Facebook didn't exist last week. Now, Team Eva has 77 members. Amanda's Twitter account (@TeamEva) didn't exist last week. Now it has 94 followers. I didn't even know Amanda and Eva existed last week, much less anything about the drama behind getting a service dog. Now I have a lifelong friend and a place to stay if I ever find myself in NW Wisconsin.

Some people participated in helping spread the word, some did The High $5.00 Campaign, some sent in a little more, some bloggers posted Eva's story on Twitter and their personal blogs, and some completely blew our minds. Just yesterday Amanda received a text saying that someone had enough cash to get Team Eva to the $4,500 mark. At the time, Team Eva was at $415.00.

Ok, so there was a little nudity involved but nothing that warranted an R rating.

The rest is history. In less than one week Team Eva did what I didn't think could happen. I'm glad the God that watches out for little Eva is a lot more powerful and amazing than the God I believe in. Well, used to believe in...

To all those that contributed in any way, any way at all, we love you and cannot find the words to say Thank You. What you've done is so much bigger than those two little words.

Overflowing gratitude is in our hearts and will always be the miracle that wasn't supposed to happen.

Livia comes home to Eva tomorrow.

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO HELP THE TIEDE FAMILY AS THEY SETTLE IN WITH LIVIA, PLEASE DONATE:

Click below to be taken to PayPal's 'Send Money' link:
https://personal.paypal.com/cgi-bin/marketingweb?cmd=_render-content&content_ID=marketing_us/send_money

Use the following email address to start the Donation process:
servicedog4eva@gmail.com

Miracle in the Making

2010-06-21T17:11:00.004-04:00

BREAKING NEWS FROM TEAM EVA...

Amanda Tiede (Eva's mom) contacted me and said "update the blogsite" and went on to tell me she has been given an enormous donation today from an old friend.

Team Eva now sits at $4,600 towards their goal of $5,000!!!

It's a miracle in the making. We are in the home stretch to bringing home Livia for little Eva.

We're almost there!!

High $5.00 Campaign for Team Eva

2010-06-21T00:56:00.009-04:00

Team Eva has gathered $415.00 in just two days towards their $5,000 goal by July 15th. So much is happening in such a short time, both good and bad. Donations and love = good; time frame to do this in = bad.

Here's something FUN that EVERYONE can do. The High $5.00 Campaign is just what it sounds like.

We're challenging everyone to donate $5.00 to Team Eva this week to keep the momentum going. We want to see this happen though it's a HUGE task. $5,000 in less than a month is going to be nothing short of a miracle.

However, Amanda Tiede keeps her hopes on FIRE and that inspires me to keep plugging away at trying to help them.

So join us in The High $5.00 Campaign today. Just do it...your morning latte money has never done something THIS good before!

HOW TO DONATE:

Click below to be taken to PayPal's 'Send Money' link:
https://personal.paypal.com/cgi-bin/marketingweb?cmd=_render-content&content_ID=marketing_us/send_money

Use the following email address to start the Donation process:
servicedog4eva@gmail.com

Thank you for giving Team Eva a High $5.00!!

Jenny

Team Eva - Less Than One Month for a Miracle?

2010-06-20T17:39:00.006-04:00

Message from Eva's Mom, Amanda, after reading "Time Is Now The Enemy", a post earlier this week from my best friend back in NC:

This made me cry.... thank you very much. Today when Eva took a nap I just watched her breathe...she was so pale, but she was breathing...I didn't want to look away even though I have been so tired...in and out, in and out... it usually is a given, but with her it just isn't.

Team Eva has been told we have less than a month to pay for Livia to come home to Eva. Livia is the German Shepherd that was brought down from Canada for Eva. If Team Eva cannot do this, Livia, will move on the the next family in need on the list.

In one way, that's a great thing for the next family. In another way, it's absolutely heartbreaking for The Tiede Family. They would lose out on a crucial need for their 2-year old just because there wasn't enough money.

This happens all the time, everyday. It's part of life. But for me, it's personal.

I've joined forces with Team Eva and will do everything I can to see who is willing to help. I know miracles happen. I know good people are out there. I have been blessed with an abundance of them.

If you've seen the video above and want to make a difference in the life of a little girl, to pay it forward (you know your turn is due), please contact Team Eva about how to help.

@TeamEva on Twitter
Team Eva ~ Bringing Eva's Service Dog Home on Facebook
Email Amanda Tiede at servicedog4eva@gmail.com

Thank you,
Jenny

Time Is Now The Enemy

2010-06-19T17:50:00.010-04:00

The following post is from my best friend back in North Carolina. I miss her most days but when I see how she so easily and passionately stands beside me on my causes, my missing her takes on a whole new level, one that I didn't realize existed.

This post comes on the heals of some sad news about Eva's situation. The Tiede Family have just been told that Livia, the German Shepard that was brought from Canada for Eva, will not be "reserved" indefinitely. Livia will move on to the next family in need, if the appropriate funds are not raised, in one month's time.

"I am so fortunate to have have 2 beautiful, healthy daughters and healthy spit-fire of a stepson. I cannot begin to wrap my brain around the fear that a parent has when they have a child that suffers from a chronic or terminal illness.

Hold your breath for as long as you can...when you feel the pain and the pressure ...and the near panic of having to take your next breathe, think of little Eva. At any given moment she can stop breathing. A specially trained service dog is ready and waiting to be with Eva and her family, all they need is the funding. A service dog is not cheap...quality never is. If you can give a hundred dollars that would rock their world...but so would a hundred pennies from your piggy bank. Every penny gets Eva and her family one step closer to some sense of security.

If this was your child, wouldn't you hope that your loved ones would reach out and help...and the loved ones of those loved ones...and so on? There is so much sadness, anger and skeptisism in the world today. There are crimes that are unimaginable and seldom do you see good news at 6 and 11; but I am an eternal optimist and I belive that there is more good than bad in this world. I believe that the kindness of strangers will help Eva get her service dog and I beleive that what goes around comes around. Paying people back is great, but paying forward is even better.

Help if you can...even if that simply means asking others for help. Together, this will be done...and my guess is, it will happen faster than we would have ever imagined."

~ Robin R. Huckaby

If you would like to donate right away to The Tiede Family, use this email>>> servicedog4eva@gmail.com on the PayPal link below...

https://personal.paypal.com/cgi-bin/marketingweb?cmd=_render-content&content_ID=marketing_us/send_money

'Something Within' Transforms for a Good Cause

2010-06-18T16:41:00.013-04:00

Those of you I am closest to know by now that my heart has little Eva Tiede written all over it. I am transforming my 'Something Within' blogsite into a temporary fundraising platform for The Tiede Family.

I will still have posts from friends when they send them in amd I will still have my rants. But mostly, it will be about Eva and her progress on getting her Livia home to her.

And in no time at all, WE will all be able to celebrate little Eva welcoming home her new service dog.

If you have Facebook, join Team Eva to stay most current with how Eva is doing.
http://apps.facebook.com/causes/posts/480088?m=3eeff0a7&user_viewed=1

If you have Twitter, follow us here>>> @TeamEva

If you would like to donate right away to The Tiede Family, use this email>>> servicedog4eva@gmail.com on this PayPal link (no need to create a PayPal account; super easy, secure and quick)>>>

https://personal.paypal.com/cgi-bin/marketingweb?cmd=_render-content&content_ID=marketing_us/send_money

Thank you for reading.

2-Year Old Eva Tiede Needs Help Bringing Service Dog Home

2010-06-16T23:42:00.050-04:00

~EVA'S STORY~

Eva Tiede is a 2 year old little girl from Kaukauna, WI in desperate need of a service dog. Eva has a disorder that causes her to stop breathing at any time, without warning.

Eva had a wonderful dog, Tessa, trained to alert her parents when Eva stopped breathing, and saved her life on more than one occasion.

Sadly, Tessa had a tumor the size of a soccer ball and had to be put to sleep three weeks ago.

The waiting list is usually 2-3 years long to get another dog. Miraculously, a dog was found for Eva in Canada. "Livia" has been flown into WI and is ready for her. The family will meet Livia next week.

Eva's family is in desperate need of help to raise the money needed to pay for the service dog Eva needs to save her precious little life. THE MONEY IS DUE BY MID JULY OR ELSE LIVIA GOES TO THE NEXT FAMILY ON THE WAITING LIST.

$3,600 has been saved by Eva's family. $5,000 is still needed to bring Livia home to Eva. Please find it in your heart to help out.

Thank you for your kindness.

~Amanda Tiede (Eva's mom)

Click below to be taken to PayPal's 'Send Money' link:
https://personal.paypal.com/cgi-bin/marketingweb?cmd=_render-content&content_ID=marketing_us/send_money

Donations can be made through PayPal by using the following email address:
servicedog4eva@gmail.com

The Reminder

2010-06-16T08:48:00.003-04:00

This morning, Roxi and I set out for her morning jaunt in the park behind our apartments. With my books in hand, we closed the garage door and started walking the 100 yards or so down the center drive to the park gate.

I could hear a car rapidly approaching from behind us. I called Roxi to come so she wouldn't chase after it once it passed. It's a 10 mile an hour zone but this driver paid no mind. They blew past me and almost hit Roxi, almost. I was a bit shocked at the "balls" this person had to get that close to us. I shook my head and just laughed at the amazing assholes that surround me.

Then the car stopped, turned around and came back. It slowly, slowly passed us this time and I could see it was driven by a pretty girl with a punky short hair cut and black mascara running down her cheeks. Her eyeliner overwhelmed her eyes and she just looked dazed. At this point I realized she probably never saw my dog and I.

Needless to say, my attention stayed on her. She stopped midway down the drive and got out of her car. She could barely stand. She stumbled and leaned on her hood for balance. She held her hands out to steady herself. She then made it to her door and disappeared, with the car still running, headlights still on.

I watched as the garage door slowly made it's way up. The young girl shuffled out of her garage and now fell as she tried to get back into the driver's seat. At this point, I was making my way back to her. She glanced my way after getting in and closing her car door. Though she was far away, I could see that there was no focus, no clarity in her eyes. As if we weren't even there.

She pulled into her garage and the door closed. She made it. She made it home, safe. Now she could get to bed and sleep it off.

I was digusted. I was sickened by the lack of control, the way she looked, how she could have caused an accident, hurt someone, killed someone innocently walking to work, walking their dog, dropping off their kids at the bus stop.

Then it came to me...that was me not much more than 2 years ago. It could be me again if I waiver from my recovery.

My heart broke for all the people I unknowingly hurt. For all the fear I caused others. For this young woman who was living the life I'm so desperately trying to keep away from.

The reminder...something I needed to see. Something that won't pass from my memory anytime soon.

May you all be safe out there in this scary world. Protect the ones you love as best you can. Maybe a leash for your pup wouldn't hurt either.

Jenny

Time To Let Go

2010-06-10T07:25:00.009-04:00

I'm in the process of losing my job. There, I said it. Now it's time to move into acceptance.

This post goes out the my friend Jenniflower that has helped me through this tremendous pain. I love you so much.

I've been a receptionist for 2 1/2 years at a HVAC company. It's a job that came when I needed one the most. I most certainly never was a career goal or a place that I belonged.

I knew the day they asked me to come aboard permanently (I came in as a temp) only if I kept my tattoo covered with turtle necks and collars each day because "if the President saw it, he would lose it", that I wasn't really a great match. I think they were just grateful to find a receptionist that had skills and was willing to work hard, not to mention one with a college degree that was desperate enough to take the position. That was December 2007.

I was surrounded by people that talked ceaselessly about their personal lives. They were tight, this group. Too tight. They worried about the dust buildup on their BMW's, got mani/pedi's on a weekly basis, and would never, ever dream of taking their clothes straight from the dryer instead of ironing them. I was in waaay over my head.

I tried so hard from the start to "fit in" and to be liked. I came in with no sobriety in my life, At 3 months employment, I put the bottle down but then realized I had absolutely no crutch to lean on. I was a raw bundle of nerves; a scared, insecure woman with the knowledge that I had to shape up or ship out. That was March 2008.

My days were filled with answering phone calls, filing folders, ordering office supplies and most importantly, being someone I wasn't so I could hold on to this position and please everyone. I wasn't being true to myself when that Something Within started whispering "This is not where you belong."

Trips home were met with more tears than I care to admit. I had to be honest that I just wasn't like these people and to find some kind of peace in that. I had to start growing up and learn to be grateful I even had a job. I had to play the game. I also had to start looking elsewhere for a better fit. But I never did. I was comfortable in this misery, thinking it was what I deserved and that this job was going to teach me all the things that I couldn't teach myself. That Something Within was getting louder. That was October 2008.

Now it's June 2010. I've made it this far. I haven't quit. I've grown tremendously in my sobriety. I have friends that love me. I am working on myself, learning to love myself too. I don't cry so much anymore, until last week. I think I've cried every week day since. Not good.

Yesterday I had to sit down with my direct supervisors and listen to lies about my performance on the job; about how they wanted to help make me a better person. I was told that "when something is going wrong in your life, to come in and tell someone rather than keeping quiet and making it an uncomfortable work environment for everyone else." I was told that I "should be grateful to work in such an extended family as theirs." Really?

I was told customers and vendors have been complaining about "the receptionist" for months. Months?! If that were the case, why have they waited this long to mention it and why won't they give me specifics on what it is these people have been complaining about? I knew by now it was best not to ask such a question, to nod in mindless agreement and to keep my mouth shut.

As for the employees, they definitely weren't happy because the calls were being transferred too quickly, the Splenda was out of stock for two days and I didn't come by their cubicles each morning with a great big "Helloooo!!".

I wasn't like them. I was different. I didn't need to share my personal life with anyone in there. I had changed from that insecure, scared woman into someone that was ok with who I was. I was no longer broken and I certainly didn't need fixing. I did my job and did it well, period.

I had to sign a "wrongful behavior" warning chaulk full of crap, take a cut in pay and be told that if one more complaint from inner office came down the line that they would relieve me of my duties, immediately. I knew that I was screwed. At this point, that Something Within was all but yelling at me.

My part? Yea, I played a major part in all of this. I stayed far too long in a place where I had no business being. I was lying to myself, to my employers and to God. Major no-no.

What I couldn't see in all of this was that Something bigger is happening here. I've been working hard to make something that was so far off of what was good for me, actually work.

Now it's gone too far and that God of mine has had enough. If this is how It's going to get my attention, then I have to look or else I will miss the bus. The bus to a better life, for myself and my daughter.

"Don't let a place that's holding you back anyway be the one thing that breaks you," Jenniflower told me last night after I called her, again, in tears, again.

Click. Bingo. Yahtzee. Houston, we have contact. The lightbulb (energy saving, of course) has just been flipped into the ON position. TUGAAWD.

There's Something going on here. Something bigger than me. It's time I give into It, to "man up" and to let go. Let go of what's not working and find the faith and courage to seek what will.

Practice What You Preach ~ Trish's Post

2010-06-08T07:22:00.010-04:00

I met Trish on Twitter. My greatest jewels have come from that social network. She caught my eye when I saw her posts about raising awareness and money for St. Baldrick's and that she was going to shave her head for Children's Cancer. I fell in love and the rest is history. I am pleased to introduce you to my Trish.

Practice What You Preach
By: Trish Christie

I was given an open invitation to write. To a “non-writer”, that’s terrifying!

I’m more of an editor, not a writer.

Hmmm… that sentence says a lot about me. A lot that I’m not sure I like. I critique and analyze what other people do, but am I writing the life story I want to live? No. How can I go about changing that? I certainly do not want my daughter to grow up with my negative attitude. I want her to help others, not compare herself to anyone, and write her own story. Oh sure, I have my moments when I help others. I’m not a total bitch all the time, but I have a LONG way to go before I have an attitude I can be proud of.

First off- I can practice what I preach. From eating healthier, to flossing my teeth, to being nice, to not comparing myself to others- good gravy! The list could go on forever! I need to never again utter the words “do as I say, not as I do”. That’s setting a terrible example! I am embarrassed to say that I have said these words TO MY THREE YEAR OLD DAUGHTER!!! While I know I’m not a terrible mother, I do feel extremely guilty about not being the best role model I possibly can be for my child. Things to change: my diet, my attitude towards others, and my self- image.

Diet: I eat junk food. I eat it in front of my daughter while I make her eat slightly more healthy items. I drink a ton of soda. I make my daughter drink only milk or water. Wow, just looking at those words on the computer screen make me feel about the size of Jiminy Cricket. Terrible! Hypocrisy is a pet peeve of mine and yet I excel at it (ironic, huh?). Things will be changing. I need to take care of myself the same way I take care of my baby. I am worthy.

Attitude: There is this girl at work… (isn’t there always at least one person at work who just drives you totally bonkers?) and as far as I’m concerned, she can do nothing right. True, she’s not an easy person to get along with, but I don’t even try anymore. Maybe treating her the way I want to be treated is the answer to my dilemma. Could it really be as simple as the golden rule “do onto others as you would have them do unto you”? My guess is no, but it’s worth a shot, right? Obviously what I’m doing now isn’t helping and it’s making work miserable.

Self-image: When I look in the mirror, I am disgusted. I am overweight, have crazy coarse gray hair, saggy boobs, pimples on my face, spider veins on my legs, and hairy legs. Yes, it’s true- those things are there. My mirror doesn’t totally lie. BUT- there are good things too that get overlooked. Things such as freckles, clean teeth, a nice butt, tattoos that have meanings, beautiful big blue eyes, and enough hair to keep my head warm. I don’t want to look at the world through rose-colored glasses, but I do need to look at it with a clear head. Take the good with the bad. If my daughter looked in the mirror and thought of herself the way I think of myself, I would cry.

I have my work cut out for me. I know I can do it though. I deserve to be the best possible me and my daughter deserves to have a mother of whom she can be proud.

So- ask yourself:

How can I live out my life story to the fullest?

Even Perfect Days Can End In Rain

2010-06-03T01:06:00.004-04:00

I have the following quote framed and next to my morning reading place. Tonight, I'm taking it to the bedroom and putting it on the nightstand where I can see it first thing in the morning, before I pray and before I head back to the office.

"People are often unreasonable and self-centered. FORGIVE THEM ANYWAY
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. BE KIND ANYWAY
If you are honest, people may cheat you. BE HONEST ANYWAY
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. DO GOOD ANYWAY
Give the world the best you have though it may never be enough.
GIVE YOUR BEST ANYWAY
For you see, in the end, it is between you and GOD.
IT NEVER WAS BETWEEN YOU AND THEM ANYWAY."
~Mother Teresa

I could go on to post about the details and specifics of today. But, none of that matters.

What matters is that others truly love me and are there for me. I am perfectly fine being the me I am today. I am in recovery and headed down the right path, for me. I can't please everyone. If I know in my heart of heart's that I am doing my absolute best, that's good enough. If it's not good enough for others, that's their deal. What others think of me or possibly say about me is none of my business. I can take a "bad" situation and learn from it, making it a growth experience that will lead me to better places, physically and spiritually. I am not alone.

Gratitude on a Wednesday Night

2010-06-02T11:36:00.012-04:00

Toasted blueberry bread smothered with peanut butter and a tall glass of cold milk

The sound of my daughter’s voice reading “Pinkalicious” to herself

My Twitter friends in the morning.

That I don’t have to hurt others today in order to “feel better” about myself

When someone calls me for help, I can be there for them

Feeling comfortable in my own skin, today

Kick-ass hair conditioner

Recognizing the importance of being consistent with my commitments to others

A different computer desktop picture for each day (thank you Valley of Fire)

Three-day weekends
Four-day work weeks

Next Thursday

Not quitting my job because I don't live up to another person's standards.

My sober friends, especially when I'm at the office.

Taking 1/2 the day off to reach out for help, take care of myself, relax, being my process of learning and healing.

Doing my daughter's end-of-the-school-year poster for her teachers.

Willingness

My blog

The End