Sunday, January 31, 2010

The Ripple Effect

It all started with an 7-year old's dream. Hayden Daniels of Las Vegas wanted to help those devastated by the earthquake in Haiti. He wrote a letter, his mom took that letter to her women's bible study, the letter worked its way through the hearts of others to make it to the Pastor's sermon. Hundreds of others heard Hayden's dream and launched into doing what they could to help. This was just the beginning.

A lady at the office who attends that church continued the chain by sending out an email to all of us. It was a simple yet moving request to take part in doing what we could to donate gently used shoes to those in Haiti. Hayden's dream continued to grow.

I wanted to join in and help, for very selfish reasons. There was hardly a thing I could do for those in Haiti. It bothered me. After reading the email at work, I knew I had a chance to do my part and relieve that feeling of helplessness.

I asked my local friends in Vegas to pitch in. I sent emails and texts at a very bothersome rate. Wanting "to save the world (again)" is a burdensome desire but it has it's payoffs when I actually turn that desire into action.

Well, my friends pulled through. This blog is for them. For they need to see the ripple effect of how one little boy's letter turned into something amazing. They pitched in and contributed to Hayden's dream.

My friends donated over 100 pairs of shoes to the cause. They didn't bat an eye when I asked for help and they were so glad to do it. It humbled me to know that I was surrounded by such awesome people. How did I get so lucky to know such generous, caring people? Luck has nothing to do with it. It's proof of that Something Within which materializes Itself in my life.

I had the pleasure of meeting Hayden at my daughter's swim school. He is a smart, loving and shy young man that is going places. His parents must be so proud of his using his kind heart for the betterment of others. His dream ended up with 21,000 pairs of shoes being donated graciously to the people of Haiti. If that's not proof that one person can make a difference, I don't know what to say. Young Hayden has become an inspiration to me that I can make a difference too.

I am proud to have had this chance to help. More importantly, to see the strength and love that lives in each and every friend I have been blessed to have. Thank You.

Friday, January 29, 2010


Yep, I'm going to do it. I'm going to fall prey to using periods after each letter to emphasize a word that I'm coming to know all too well. B.L.E.S.S.E.D. There I've done it again and I can see why it's so satisfying.

I see this way of expression used a lot on Twitter. I immediately adopted it as my own. Twitter has exposed me to lots of neat stuff, but that's for another post. This morning I want to stick to the post that woke me up at 3:00AM and just had to get out of my head. Or maybe it was the two Diet Cokes before bedtime that woke me. I digress...

Snipped from
bless⋅ed  /ˈblɛsɪd
1. consecrated; sacred; holy; sanctified: the Blessed Sacrament.
2. worthy of adoration, reverence, or worship: the Blessed Trinity.
3. divinely or supremely favored; fortunate: to be blessed with a strong, healthy body; blessed with an ability to find friends.
4. blissfully happy or contented.
5. bringing happiness and thankfulness: the blessed assurance of a steady income.

Well there's a formal definition of the word; didn't really do much for me though #4 & #5 were getting close. I am not a walking dictionary or a master of any language, especially my own, however, I do have something to say about being blessed. Let's say this post is a personal expression of just how I got to be so blessed.

It certainly wasn't from the wise, mature, sound decisions I made in my adult life. It's been quite to contrary actually. It's been found in the learning from my countless mistakes that has brought me to this place. And by place, I am referring to a state of mind. I digress, again...

I didn't want a post that dragged on and on so here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to have some fun with this and keep it simple. Let's see how it turns out, shall we?

B.L.E.S.S.E.D. - a snap shot of finding the Something Within.

B - Believe. I came to Believe in something bigger than myself. Something that held all the mysteries of this life in it's hands (if you will). A belief that everything happens for a reason and that nothing, absolutely nothing happens in this world by mistake. And don't jump on my about the horribly sad shit that happens in this world to us and by us. That is not for me to even try to explain or wrap my head around. It's for that Something that I came to Believe in to straighten out and to make sense out of, someday.

L - Let Go. Technically two words but that would mess up my whole gig here. On a daily basis, I try to Let Go of the little things I desperately hold on to in hopes of "fixing", "being right about", "controlling", on and on. I choose to Let Go of things that really don't mean much at all in the big scope of things. Let Go of the worrying over things I cannot control. Let Go of my past in a loving, learning way. Let Go of my present circumstances, knowing I am right where I am supposed to be. Let Go of my future because really, what can I do about it now? Let Go and let that Something in, just a little bit, to carry some of the load. That's what that Something is there for.

E - Enjoy. Simple, huh? Simply Enjoy the many gifts each day has to offer. That sunrise most of us sleep through or get to busy to notice. The wonder of a snowflake. Watching children play - that's a big one! Your pets. That first cup of coffee. The warm bed you have to crawl into each night. Your family or better yet, your friends. Simple, huh?

S - Sit Back. Yes, relax, chill, take it easy, breathe. That breathing thing took me a while to catch on to. I've practiced sitting back and observing, listening to others rather than interrupting with my thoughts before they escape me, watching the world go by, watching the grass grow. No I'm kidding with that one - I just couldn't resist. Sitting Back and taking time to relax is not easily done for most of us. But try it. Even for a few minutes each day (maybe during that sunrise we're always missing). Sit Back and listen. Listen to what lies within. Listen to the tiny little voice that speaks from your head, your gut, your heart. Just Sit and settle down for a few. See how it feels. You might come like it.

S - Stand Up. I had to get off my tush and Stand Up. I had to Stand Up, for myself, for what I believe in, for my opinions and ideas. Most importantly, I had to Stand Up and be of service to someone else. I had to Stand Up for what my soul belives in, for what I've stuffed down for so long, for doing the right thing. Just Stand up - this works great after sitting back. Once you get grounded, it's cool what you can do, for others, when you finally Stand Up.

E - Empathy. I could only experience Empathy after doing each of the things above. I didn't realize I was doing somewhat of a step thing here but it seems to be working out that way. Cool beans. I started having Empathy for myself and others. I had to open my eyes to the fact that ALL of us are a part of this Human Race, though some of us really should just leave. Emphathy for others where each of us is going through some kind of personal stuggle that effects our moods, our mannerisms, our thoughts. Empathy that it's not all about me and my motives. Knowing each person has something to offer - be it a lesson in gratitude, a different point of view or simply a smile. :)

D - Devotion. Lastly I wanted to mention Devotion. A dedication to consciously being aware of these things, each day. To make an effort to live these things out in my daily routine. A Devotion that I can change my thinking, change my impulsive decision making, change my attitudes. A Devotion to improvement, to betterment (is that a word - brb...going to Ok, we're good. A Devotion to keeping it simple, having a little fun, not taking myself so seriously and most of all, becoming the person I am supposed to become.

It's in the journey. A good friend reminded me just last night of what Gandhi said "Be the change you want to see in the world."

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Gratitude on a Sunday Morn'

@DCGratidude on Twitter has inspired me to do my own gratitude list for today. A very heartfelt Thank You to him for reminding me about the basics and to keep it simple.

* Grateful that Johnny Depp is not dead (thank you Twitter).

* Grateful not to have hit anything on the way down after passing out upon reading RIP Johnny Depp (again, thank you Twitter).

* All kidding aside, I am very grateful to wake up to gorgeous blue skies and bright (a little too bright before coffee) sunshine.

* Coffee

* Knowing exactly where I was and who I was with last night. There was a time not too long ago this simple knowledge escaped me all too often.

* Hanging out with friends this weekend that get me, that really get me.

* My daughter enjoying her Tinkerbell puzzle, quietly (coffee is still brewing) in the sunlit front room.

* My Cuervo kitty coming out of hiding and eating her breakfast. I am grateful to have her for one more day. That little critter has let me borrow, without returning, at least two of her lives.

* Red Rock Canyon, LV - where there's snow on the trails for my Border Collie to romp and stomp, get muddy and have a great time while my daughter and I try to keep up. (Thank you to @gregzilm for the awesome pic)

* My rundown, 12-yr old 4WD truck that's going to take us there.

* Have I mentioned Johnny?

* My full-time job as a receptionist as it makes me appreciate my days home with my family all the more. And it pays the heating bills.

* Lastly, as I could (and probably should) keep going, I am most grateful for my sobriety, my program and the "WE". For without these things, all of the above would be dust. Well all but Johnny, of course.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

What's This???

I sit here in bed on a cold, wet morning going through my yesterday. My sick baby girl lays next to me sleeping peacefully after having a bit too much cough medicine. I ache to write about the weird peacefulness that's overcome me. Maybe it's growning up or simply the fact that my work and her school know we are staying home today and all is well.
What's this??? A stay at home day with my Angel to take it easy and relax with movies and popcorn while getting paid?? YES!

Yesterday I went on a coffee date with a "new dude" who has recently asked for my number.
What's this??? Me going out again after countless failed attempts of trying to find someone I'm compatible with? Yep, I never learn.

He didn't listen to me once as I answered stupid questions he asked. He never put his phone down, scrolling through lame pictures of guys I don't even know nor care to look at. I asked him to repeat something I had just said - he got it all wrong. He did pay for the coffee but hey, that's why I buy my own stinkin' coffee.
What's this??? I might be actually finding perspective and seeking substance in my relationships?? Doubtful.

The last "boy" was sweet. Loved talking to him. He was so much younger than me and to be honest, he just wasn't that into me. We see each other sometimes while with friends and it's great. I hope he finds a sweet, young chickie poo to play with someday. He could use one.
What's this??? Actually being ok with not being wanted?? Getting all too familiar with it.

The "lame brain" before the boy was just that, an ignorant jackass that actually thought I would be ok with dating a married man. He even had the nerve to ask me "What happened to your face?" in his NY accent. (I was born with a cleft lip that has long since been repaired). Uggghhhh he's exhausts me just remembering his lack of consideration, manners and tack.
What's this??? Saying "No Thank You" to a piece of shit rather than hopping in bed seeking everlasting love?? You bet!

I don't know where this blog is going. All I know is I'm ok today with being single. I have a gorgeous baby girl that deserves my love, time and affection. She also deserves a great father figure but looks like my options at this point are just lousy. I want to thank my God for giving me the insight to walk away from potentially damaging relationships that I would have inevitably taken my daughter through.

One of my daughter's favorite songs is "What's This?" sung by the illustrious Jack from The Nightmare Before Christmas. I secretly love it too. He rambles on and on about discovering Christmas town - the lights, the snow, the happiness and love. Something like the rambling I indulged in above.
What's this??? A happy me?? Without a doubt!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Remembering Lourdes

Lately I have been learning A LOT from my present job and it has nothing, absolutely nothing to do with actual job skills. I can safely say I have learned all there is to know about the whooozzits and whatszzits of answering phones.

What I'm learning is more along the lines of people skills - the kind where I have to change almost everything I know about how to deal with people in the workplace.

Sorry to say but this blog will not be a boring regurgitation about my daily routine at the office. It will be about Lourdes...about wonderful, beautiful Lourdes.

You see, Lourdes was the receptionist where I worked about a million years ago. I came in as the Executive Assistant and was so much better than her. Let me tell you, I dressed better, I looked better and oh yea, I was the President's direct assistant - a force not to be messed with. So there little receptionist girl, just answer the phones and wear that painted on smile and everything will be ok. If I see you in the lunchroom on break, I am so going to avoid you. And don't bother sending an VM's to the Prez and you know I take all his calls.

It was so simple to look down on this young, single mom that was kind of weird, quite and slightly quirky. It was simple because I didn't know a thing about her and I had that over-inflated ego that instantly dismissed anything I thought was less than me. The funny thing was, I thought I was to lowest it got. I didn't know it at the time, but Lourdes turned out to be my saving grace where I find myself in life today.

You see, I'm the receptionist now, in a workplace full of sales engineers and well- kept women. I am the weirdo that likes to recycle their aluminum cans, tape up cynical comic strips of Get Fuzzy and polar bears at my desk and keep to myself. I have not one thing to offer these people except a painted on smile and slightly stupid points of view, when asked, which is ummmmmm, let's see....never.

What Lourdes has done for me is humbled me. She has taught me that it's just fine to be me and what others think of me is none of my business. I can be who and what I am and do a great job as a receptionist and that's IT. I don't have to walk around with a pout when I find out the girls at the office had a Cookie Lee party that I wasn't invited to. I don't have to stutter when one of the engineers makes fun of me to the others. When people walk in the kitchen or bathroom, see me and walk out, it's ok. I have Lourdes to remember.

I can know that as I treated her, I am being treated. Office karma at it's best and there's no other place where I belong. My series of bad choices, addictions and plain stupidity have landed me at this job, in this city, in this place where it's not about what I do for a living, it's about what I'm learning in this journey simply called L.I.F.E.

Until next time...

Sunday, January 17, 2010

My First Blog

I awoke this morning at 3:00am, being pulled by Something much bigger than me. A seeking, needing, searching pulling that finally made me escape my warm bed only to find comfort with my broken down recliner, blanket and laptop.

I had to get something out, discover what this need was, and put an end to my restlessness. I have never blogged before, thinking it was for those that had something to offer, something to say that had depth and great presence; a feeling that is probably familiar to most first time bloggers.

I’ve read blogs that moved me to tears, made me laugh, that make sense out of things like lost keys and wiping baby butts, which made me think deeper than I wanted to when I started reading them. In short, they planted a seed in me that led me to this place of seeking to write. Or maybe it’s just hunger.

This Something that has nudged me is a force that I have come to call my Higher Presence, Higher Power, God, if you will. It’s the “Voice” that comes from within me, not through my ears that for years I have ignored, brushed off and loathed. I have been blessed to finally have turned to this Presence with a willingness that really has only come directly from this Something itself. I might not be making any sense whatsoever for those reading this but I’m ok with that. Maybe this blogging thing is really just for those that find themselves on the writing end rather than the reading end, maybe.

My beliefs aren’t very committing to what is known as organized, concrete or even sensible. I have sought for years to find the One Thing that will make sense and take me to a place where I can say “I have arrived.” Ironically, it’s not really one thing at all. I have found it’s a combination of countless experiences, mistakes and bittersweet loneliness. I have read that lessons that go unlearned keep coming back until they stamp upon the student their indelible mark. It’s a Something that each human being has inside them, either buried underneath layers of fear or living out loud in their daily choices.

I like connecting to this Something. It’s a force that knows me well, that watches over me, that loves me. I am most lost when I run from it and most at peace when I tap into it though those times consist of only moments, glimpses. I say it’s a cool thing that I have even that to hold on to. It’s my choice to dig deeper or to pretend this Something doesn’t exist. I think I’ll keep it simple and just go with it. I’m curious to see where it leads me.