Sunday, February 13, 2011

It Could Have Been Me

I have 21 minutes left on my laptop battery to knock this post out until shutdown. I hate writing under pressure. Let's see how this goes.

Mother of Children Killed in Pahrump Fire Arrested, Charged With Manslaughter

I wanted to throw up when I first heard the news that Sharon Braodhead's neglect was the real cause of the fire that took the lives of her 3 young sons and her friend. Then I wanted to just throw something.

I was embarrased for setting up a fundraiser, for getting everyone I could involved in helping, and most of all, I was afraid of the judgement I would receive when I stepped into my office Monday morning. Some people label me a busy-body for getting involved with so many charities and tragedies. I didn't want to face the looks or comments that scream "so how do you feel for helping out now?" from those that really should matter to me at all.

Shame on me. My self-centeredness, pride and ego wanted to take this and run. Run, run, run all the way to oblivion.

It took getting on the phone with my sponsor to calm my ass down, let some frustration out and to see that I was reacting like many people to this a hyprocite. Now my Jenniflower did not say that word, I did. However, she did suggest that I write about this so I'm following Good Orderly Direction *wink*.

What Sharon Broadhead did, or didn't do, when it comes to being a mother is not far off from how I've acted in my own motherly responsibilities. What I'm saying is that could have been me in that mug shot.

Not too long ago, I was a lousy, self-centered drunk. Before I had my daughter, I was pathetic. I didn't know how to care for myself, much less another human being. There was a time I almost killed my cats from neglect. Maybe pathetic isn't a strong enough word.

During my daughter's first 3 years of life there were many times I did not take the time to read her stories, bathe her, cuddle her, play with her, put her to bed, love her. I neglected her far too often because I was too wrapped up in myself to take notice. I didn't "feel" like being a mom. I was full of self pity, anger and alcohol.

In no way am I excusing Sharon Broadhead's behavior that led to this tragedy. I believe it's a family issue and many were involved and should have stepped up. Those boys should not have been left in her care.

Any next time you want to watch TV instead of playing with your kids, or read alone in a quiet room without them near you, or even post a blog while they play in their room alone, think of how neglect comes in many forms.

What I am saying might not make sense. I guess I don't do so well under pressure afterall. But my sponsor said it best with this FB comment:

"Mom will be dealing with her own personal hell for the rest of her life- and meanwhile there are still 3 children gone and that have other siblings and family members suffering horribly from this tragedy. The children deserve a proper burial and the remaining kids also deserve the support and love they have been given from the community and anyone else who has chosen to reach out to them. God help me - while I may be sober mommy today - it was not that long ago that I wasn't sober. As for anyone who is passing judgments and making assumptions about this family - "People who live in glass houses should not throw stones."

If you still would like to make a difference for Anthony Broadhead and his two surviving older daughter's , please go to this link:

What matters most now is that Sharon is where she needs to be. The family members left behind still need help. They need it more than ever. I am so glad they live in a community that is wrapping their loving arms around them.

For the scoffers out there, your judgement and hatred have no place here; not in Pahrump, not in the world.

If you haven't noticed, we're taking out our own civilization because of it.

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